Cleverly Named Blog

Translating Al Gore

2006-09-18T10:44:00.000-05:00

"I haven't completely ruled out running for president again in the future, but I don't expect to."
Former Vice-President Al Gore, 9/15/06.

Translation: I really wish someone would ask me to run for President again. I know it will happen; I just have to keep my name in news -- put out a movie, go on the MTV Awards, write a new book. . .

Falling Back into Old Habits

2006-08-31T14:59:00.000-05:00

The Bush Administration has had a rough row of it the past couple of years. Fueled by the (mis)handling of the Iraq war, post-Katrina recovery (not to mention the near-constant promotion or adulation of those who make serious mistakes), etc., it has not been a happy-go-lucky time for the Bushies. What do you do when your political back is against the wall? Take it to the next level (guys in backwards hats who have subscriptions to Maxim will use the term "go big or go home" to describe this typ of situation).

But how do you do this? If you are a member of the Bush administration, you accuse your opponents of being: (a) cowards; (b) morons; (c) unpatriotic; or (d) all of the above. It worked for the 2004 election, so they've gone back to the tried-and-true.

Examples:

"[T]here is a difference between healthy debate and self-defeating pessimism." VP Cheney, 8/29/06, in a fairly subdued comment for him (as opposed to this)
"[I]t is apparent that many have still not learned history's lessons." Sec. of Defense Rumsfeld, 8/29/06, trying to make the "Hussein as Hitler" analogy. He is evidently unaware of the rule that once you invoke Hilter in an argument, you automatically lose.
"It seems that in some quarters there's more of a focus on dividing our country than acting with unity against the gathering threats." Rummy, 8/29/06, apparently operating under the presumption that dissent equates with willful ignorance.

Oh, and don't forget to mention September 11 as much as possible:

Although we've been in the struggle against terrorism for nearly five years now, the terrorists were actually at war with this country long before 2001. And they were the ones on the offensive. Over time, they came to believe that they could strike America without paying a price -- because they did so many times in the 1980s and '90s. Eventually, of course, they hit us here at home on September 11th, 2001. VP Cheney, 8/29/06, once again shamelessly attempting to blur lines between the Iraq war and the Al Qaida 9/11 plot.

However, VP Cheney does not pay attention to his boss's statements, who made clear the week prior that Iraq had nothing to with 9/11 (thankfully, there is even video), not to mention his statements of 3 years ago. Then again, consistency and accuracy did not win the White House, so who am I to nitpick?

Back by Popular Demand

2006-08-31T12:54:00.000-05:00

Like the neverending KISS farewell tour, CNB has returned once again. The lack of posting has been driven partly by a busy work schedule, but also by the fact that it seems that there is nothing to add to the 12 million (a low estimate) blogs out there that cut and paste various news stories (with a "read this" link), or to those who actually have jobs as commentators.

However, I had more than one person request that CNB return. It may have been the number of drinks I had, but the requestors appeared to be serious. Only actual comments will prove their seriousness, I guess.

Thus, the waste of bandwidth that is CNB is back. Alert the media, as something needs to take over from Glenn Ford's death as the lead news story. Admit it, you thought he was already dead, didn't you?

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

2006-06-13T09:15:00.000-05:00

For the one person I know who reads this (Hi Steve!), the title could refer to the fact that I am actually posting something. However, this refers to the surprise visit that Pres. Bush made to Iraq today. I've noticed that anyone of any import who visits Iraq tends to do it on a "surprise" basis: Rumsfeld, Rice, Hastert, Cheney, Tony Blair, assorted governors, and even Denmark's prime minister (Kerry forgot Poland, so don't feel bad about forgetting about Denmark).

It seems the only people who make planned visits to Iraq are the soldiers we keep sending over there.

Three Things I Ran Across on the Internet

2006-04-05T23:57:00.000-05:00

Olbermann Watch -- A site by a guy who very clearly really, really dislikes Keith Olbermann. While Keith is clearly no fan of President Bush, I don't equate him to the right-wing folks who use stupid terms like "Democrat Party." I got bored with the first few posts, so I did not read far enough to see if it was Olbermann's perceived bias that bothers the author, or the possible non-Republican viewpoint. One would think, if it were perceived bias, he would be equally as peeved at O'Reilly, Hannity, etc., but methinks it is the viewpoint being espoused that irks him. Thus, it is just a retread of 50 billion other sites out there. Then again, so is this one. . . .

White Daisy Passing by Rocky Votolato -- A song I cannot stop listening to. It evidently has been featured on “The O.C.” and was recently featured as the NPR “Song of the Day,” but I just ran across it while perusing the Barsuk Records website. It is a simple and folky song from a guy listed as “a soft-spoken, very hard-working 28-year-old father of two.” Can’t ask for much more than that. I even sent this to the guy who runs the Audiofile Daily Download, hoping others will get to enjoy it.

My brother on NPR's Day by Day -- you may have heard about the Harvard Medical School study concerning the effect (or non-effect, as it were) of intercessory prayer upon the recovery of post-operative heart patients. What you likely did not know was that one of the co-authors of the study was my brother Jeff (or Dr. Jeffery Dusek, if you must be so formal). If you have three minutes, you can listen to his interview on NPR, which will likely raise your intelligence quotient and make you impervious to personal insults. If not, contact NPR. By the way, prosecutor Jeff Dusek out in California is not my brother.

The Numbers Never Lie

2005-10-31T12:49:00.000-06:00

Few are surprised by Pres. George Bush's nomination of Judge Samuel "Scalito"Alito to the Supreme Court. After either playing to the wrong portion of his "base" or making another of his crony picks with his Harriet Miers nomination (possibly both, depending upon your viewpoint), Pres. Bush proved that he still had folks reading the paper for him. Thus, George Will and Charles Krauthammer (not to mention Sen. Sam ~~Browneye~~ Brownback) should feel as though their work was not in vain.

However, trying to right a wrong for the right (clever, eh?) was not the sole motivation. Rather, Pres. Bush's 39 percent job approval is the reason Pres. Bush has decided to that his stores of political capital are difficult to locate. Neither Pres. Clinton nor Pres. Reagan (the last of the two-termers) ever fell below 40 percent approval, even at the height of their respective scandals. It could be worse for W, though -- Richard Nixon hit a low of 23 percent.

What Bush Meant to Say About Libby

2005-10-28T16:24:00.000-05:00

After Irving Libby (this "I. Lewis Libby" stuff is getting annoying, and I refuse to call a grown man "Scooter") was indicted on five counts, Pres. Bush said Libby has "worked tirelessly on behalf of the American people." What Bush meant to say was that Libby has "worked tirelessly on behalf of the American people who aren't named Valerie Plame. He didn't work so hard for her."

CNB Backhand of the Day Award

2005-10-27T13:56:00.000-05:00

The Official CNB Backhand of the Day Award (given for the public comment that serves only to show the commentee who's boss) goes to Sen. Trent Lott (R-MS). Sen. Lott, a man who knows public relations problems firsthand, decided to be the first to let now-former Supreme Court nomineee Harriet Miers know just where the door should hit her on the way out.

“Let’s move on. In a month, who will remember the name Harriet Miers?”

Yes, public criticism of her entire career was not enough -- why not speculate that she will quickly fade into obscurity as well? For that kick in the pants on the way down, Sen. Trent Lott gets the CNB Backhand of the Day Award. Keep up the good work, Senator.

Links to free music, vol. II

2005-10-26T23:41:00.000-05:00

Here is the link to the first free music entry.

I Will Love You - Fisher
A very pretty song that has evidently been used in several movies. It is a straightforward love song that sounds a lot like Sarah McLachlan and the like. If you get lucky from this song, you can thank me later.

Me and Mia - Ted Leo and Pharmacists
This incredible song was on the top 10 list for many critics for best song of 2004. Yes, I am behind the times in posting it now. If you had never heard of it before now, then you are even more behind the times, so there.

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
I am not big on electronica at all, but I cannot stop listening to this haunting song. I've read that it was used in the season finale of the OC (I've never actually seen the show), and Ms. Heap's group Frou Frou had a song on the Garden State soundtrack (which also brought the Shins to a much wider audience). I know nothing about the rest of her stuff -- I just know that this song is amazing.

Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens
Sufjan Stevens has received a lot of critical praise for his album Illinois, a theme album with songs about, unsurprisingly, the state of Illinois. This song is about the death of a friend, but the title refers to a holiday here in Chicago (go here for more detail). Very good song.

Three Good Reasons - Dwight Yoakam
A free song off of Mr. Yoakam's latest album. Even if you don't like country, you might still like this, as his stuff tends to be more rockabilly. If you like traditional country, you will, as with Mr. Yoakam's prior work, enjoy this song.

Can't Hold it Down - Andy Sullivan
Andy Sullivan used to be in a band called Steeplejack, which I followed quite a bit back when I lived in Minneapolis. They were heavily influenced by bluegrass and country long before O Brother Where Art Thou? made bluegrass more mainstream. This song is an instrumental that showcases Mr. Sullivan's adept guitar skills, and gives you a flavor of the kind of music that Steeplejack released. If you can find Kitchen Radio, you should buy it, because you will not be sorry. In addition, you should buy Mr. Sullivan's upcoming album, because I bet you'd like that, too. For now, enjoy this free song (and the rest of his music, for that matter).

Don't Look Back - Mark Dvorak
This is another instrumental, but I have a family connection here (Mark is married to my wife's sister). This is a fabulous song, which Mark self-produced by the way, that sort of sounds like it should be used in an expensive car commercial. You can find more of Mark's stuff here, which is something I highly recommend.

CNB Time-Waster of the Day

2005-10-20T13:13:00.000-05:00

I have no idea why this works, but it does.

Dueling Quotations

2005-10-13T23:30:00.000-05:00

"You got to understand, thousands of people had to leave their homes, and left all their possessions behind, and went to shelters all throughout America. We have a duty to help them. "
President George W. Bush's remarks to the Republican Jewish Coalition, Sept. 21, 2005.

"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."
George Bernard Shaw, Caesar and Cleopatra (1901).

Conservation, Bush Administration Style

2005-10-11T12:35:00.000-05:00

The Bush Administration is now saying we all should be conserving (lest we become cartoonish energy gluttons like the Energy Hog). CNB agrees, and thinks the President can start by cutting down on his flights to useless photo-ops. Maybe, just maybe, he could even push Congress to enact fuel economy standards that boost the current standards by 5 or 10 miles per gallon during the next five years.

"Conservation may be a sign of personal virtue, but it is not a sufficient basis for a sound, comprehensive energy policy." Vice President Dick Cheney, July 2001.

Joy in Mudville

2005-10-10T13:18:00.000-05:00

“Bring it over here. I want to finally see what that thing looks like.”

Glen Mason, football coach of the Minnesota Golden Gophers, 10/07/05, in reference to the Little Brown Jug after Minnesota beat the Michigan Wolverines 23-20. Minnesota, despite its historically strong program (including six national championships, thank you), last beat Michigan in 1986. Mason became coach of the Gophers (currently ranked 22nd) in 1996.

Go Gophers.

Quotes from Dopes

2005-10-06T23:03:00.000-05:00

“There is nothing more American than the Pledge of Allegiance and an acknowledgement of God is at the heart of our founding principles and is our nation’s motto."
Sen. Sam Brownback (whose name, when combined with "potential presidential candidate" sends chills down my spine), 9/16/05.

Sen. Brownback is evidently unaware that our nation's motto, up until 1956 -- about the same time "under God" was added to the Pledge of Allegiance -- was "E Pluribus Unum." Sen. Brownback is further unaware that the Pledge of Allegiance was written by a Socialist in 1892. Finally, Sen. Brownback likely does not notice that the term "God" appears nowhere in the Constitution, Bill of Rights, or even the Articles of Confederation. Admittedly, the phrase "Nature's God" does appear in the Declaration of Independence (which also posited that we are "endowed by our Creator" with certain unalienable rights, and the signers asked help from "divine Providence"), but that document, while important to American history, is not the operative document for our federal government.

Unsurprisingly, Sen. Brownback is a sponsor of the Constitution Restoration Act of 2005, which would prevent the Supreme Court from hearing any case that questions the acknowledgement by any governmental entity (or agent thereof) "of God as the sovereign source of law, liberty, or government." Sen. Brownback -- if we replaced "Allah" with "God", would that make our country sound any more like a theocracy?

I also get very tired of the argument (recently before the Supreme Court, and a probable cause of Sen. Brownback's senseless bill) that the Ten Commandments are the cornerstone of United States jurisprudence. Absent provisions against killing and stealing and lying (it is a bit of a stretch, but this could apply to perjury), there is nothing in the law that is based upon the commandments (I guess you could argue that "blue laws" are meant to keep the Sabbath holy). Best case: 40% of those tablets are actually in our laws. I went to law school, yet learned nothing about how it was illegal to covet anything of your neighbor. Coveting appears to be a wholly legal thing to do (although I don't know that your neighbor would appreciate you ogling his wife), as is telling your mother to bug off (or worse). Tell me again how this was the basis for our legal system?

If you want see some of the basis for our legal system (and the systems upon which we based our system), check out Hammurabi's Code of Laws from (shudder!) the Middle East (Babylonia, to be exact). Not only does it read like a criminal code, it actually gives penalties for wrongdoing, unlike the mere admonitions in the Ten Commandments. The Prologue talks about deities, but none are a Christian God.

To be fair, Sen. Brownback did vote for the McCain amendment that would ban use of torture by U.S. Armed Forces. That was good.

“It is a crucial time to run for office when rights and liberties are being eroded."
Roy Moore, former Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, 10/4/05, announcing his candidacy for governor of Alabama.

Never meeting a camera he did not like, former judge Moore has (against the explicit request of CNB) chosen to inflict himself upon the nice people of Alabama. My Ten Commandments diatribe actually applies more to this guy than it does Sen. Brownback.

I love the fact that this guy thinks that the civil rights being eroded are those of Christians. Hell, the gigantic object that took Moore down (the 5300-pound stone, not his hubris) went on a 15-state tour to underscore the fight for Christian rights. Yes, that ranks up there with the daily discrimination of white men - the never-ending discrimination against Christians. Why, I have difficulty even finding a church! Poor Christians must go underground to practice their beliefs! Wait -- that is in China (a.k.a. our "most favored nation").

As for Moore, some say he is the Achilles' heel of the GOP. If that is true (and I don't know that it is), then, to use a Christian phrase, the GOP will finally reap what it sows.

CNB Time-Wasters, September 2005

2005-09-30T14:55:00.000-05:00

Tired of doing work? Looking for a reason to procrastinate? Let CNB help by showing you the CNB Time-Wasters of September 2005.

Boilerplate, the Victorian Era Robot. The creator of this site, Paul Guinan, is a true artist. In fact, this site is so well-done that some historians evidently believed it (whoever they were, if they bought it after seeing the photo with Pancho Villa, they should not be teaching other humans). With some well-done photos that exhibit Mr. Guinan's astonishing attention to detail, this is the type of site (joke or not) to which others should aspire. And, yes, it is a joke.

Absolution Online. Want to confess your sins but don't have time to get to a church? Well, look no further than this free website (that advises you it has no connection to any church, in a very weak "disclaimer"). After a few guided clicks that give you choices of type and severity of sin, you review your confessed sins (almost like a shopping basket at an online store) and reach the absolution page. Sure, it's less theatrical than a real confessional, but there's no collection basket.

Intelligent Design as Panacea

2005-09-29T23:34:00.000-05:00

A writer whose intelligence and wit just gets better with every article, Dahlia Lithwick of Slate, summed up her satirical article on Intelligent Design by stating that:

Replacing every single gap in human knowledge with a theory of divine agency would save us billions of dollars in wasteful public education.

That has been my problem with Intelligent Design (as previously stated in CNB) -- its essential tenet is that something (possibly someone) somewhere must have designed (not created, mind you) the Earth, stars, etc. The basis for this general, and wholly unprovable, theory includes scientific-sounding phrases like "irreducible complexity," but I'll leave the techinical responses to others more qualified than I.

Pres. Bush thinks we should teach ID alongside evolution. However, can the teacher then postulate that the "intelligent designer" was, in fact, a flying spaghetti monster? Space aliens? Sure seems to me that creative science teachers could highlight the inherent flaws in the the IDology (you read that here first) better than the pending lawsuit in Dover, PA.

World's Worst Excuses, September 2005

2005-09-25T23:41:00.000-05:00

Rafael Palmeiro, the Baltimore Oriole who tested positive for steroids (after telling Congress in June 2005 that “I have never used steroids. Period.” ).
Palmeiro had stated that “My day will come when I can say what happened" but then when that day came, he blamed it on a pill (he says he thought was a B-12 vitamin) from teammate Miguel Tejada. I guess I would try to use something better than the equivalent of "I was holding it for a friend" or "I just take whatever Miguel gives me" if I had built up the excuse beforehand.

Edward Dailey, NY firefighter.
Mr. Dailey was arraigned on September 19 in relation to charges of criminal assault of a Bangladeshi newsstand employee. According to witnesses, an visibly inebriated Dailey said "You look like you're Al Qaeda" before throwing a Plexiglass window at the employee. If true (I am a lawyer, you know), Mr. Dailey will have shown that that not only the President can use 9/11 as an feeble excuse for unrelated malfeasance. The proof? Mr. Dailey became a firefighter in 2004 -- he wasn't with the FDNY in September 2001.

Who writes Google summaries?

2005-09-20T15:35:00.000-05:00

If you look up "Cleverly Named Blog" on Google (and I know at least a few of you have -- statcounter.com gives lots of info, you know), the summary is "Cleverly Named Blog. Wry, dry, and superfly." I appreciate being considered "superfly" (with apologies to Mr. Mayfield, of course) but I did not write that. Who did?

I have also found that description here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here (with screenshots), here, and here (although most or all of these may just be copying Google).

R.I.P. Marshall Field's

2005-09-20T13:19:00.000-05:00

Federated Department Stores (an accurate name, in view of their ownership of every department store I can think of) announced that it is changing the name of the Marshall Field's chain of department stores to Macy's. It is causing a bit of a problem here in Chicago, because the Field's name has associated with Chicago retail for 150 years, and folks are still miffed that they no longer make Frango chocolates in Chicago anymore.

Funny thing is, the stores known as Dayton's (what I grew up with in Minnesota) and Hudson's (Michigan) changed their names to Field's in 2001, despite their long history in their respective states. I guess Field's was just due.

Although I think changing the name of every Field's store to Macy's does not make much marketing sense (people love Field's here, even though they can find the same thing for less somewhere else), I have long since stopped trying to understand corporate decisionmaking. In the end, I don't think that the axis of the Earth will be knocked too far off of its axis because I end up buying a tie at Macy's and not Field's.

Blog Overload

2005-09-16T14:24:00.000-05:00

As the few people who read this blog know (or those who stumbled upon it and are able to do simple arithmetic based on the dates of entries), I have not been doing a very good job of keeping this blog up. August was a spectacularly busy month for me work-wise, and I actually took a week off (mostly) for vacation. However, my lack of posting has more to do with a general questioning of the purpose of this blog as opposed to a lack of time -- I still seem to watch a fair amount of television.

I guess the real issue has been that there are so many damned blogs out there, it is difficult to put forth an original thought. I am not a journalist by trade, so my work and this blog do not dovetail. Frankly, if I wrote about what I did for a living, I'd have even fewer people reading this than before (if that is possible).

I just wonder (like Andy Sullivan, formerly of Steeplejack -- a great alt-country band from Minneapolis in the mid-90s) if bloggers are a bunch of people who like to read their own words as much as they enjoy the sound of their own voices (I am nothing if not self-aware). I read other blogs from time to time, and the majority of them have an "about me" link that explains that the blog was started because the blogger, irrespective of political affiliation, was "tired of yelling at the TV news." If not that, bloggers tend to tell you what they had for lunch, how much they hate their bosses, etc. Thus, it seems like most of the blogosphere is just the written equivalent of (1) those folks on the bus or in a coffee shop who are furiously writing in their journals, (2) that crazy uncle who will not shut up about what he feels the Supreme Court really should be doing, or (3) asshole partisan talking heads who debate unimportant minutiae that is forgotten the minute another subject is discussed. Why do any of us care?

Do I really need Instapundit to provide a one-word grunt that links to an actual piece of writing? (Here is a very funny blog entry on his lack of actual commentary, proving that all blogs are not useless.) Is it somehow more creative if you cut and paste someone else's document to your blog? Do I care that 45 people can link me to the same damned photo and then make the same damned comment (and then blogroll each other to drive up their traffic)? How many times can I read that liberals are spineless or that Bush is a moron?

Thus, I try to write when I actually have something to say, rather than when I feel the need to say something (something my friend Steve Powers has been trying to instill -- inside one for you Powie -- in me for the better part of 15 years). I really appreciate that some folks actually do visit this blog, and I think that is the very purpose of this blog, as well as most others -- validation. I guess I want to ensure that there is something different, and that it is not one of 500 others. I shall do my best to do that in the future.

Heckuva Job Brownie

2005-09-12T14:40:00.000-05:00

The Fun of Living in Chicago

2005-07-26T23:49:00.000-05:00

How many major cities have bounties put upon their mayors? Some Republicans here are offering a $10,000 reward to any whistleblower with information that leads to the indictment and conviction of Mayor Richard M. Daley (son of Richard J. "Shoot to Kill" Daley) on corruption charges.

Even if you don't live here, Slate offers an explanation of why it sometimes feels like you do (getting stuck at O'Hare).

Gannon Lives!

2005-07-25T21:30:00.000-05:00

The good question that McClellan refuses to answer:

Q I know that none of you are speaking about this because it's an ongoing investigation. Can you explain why Alberto Gonzales would go on TV yesterday and do that, and talk about it?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, what he said was already said from this podium back in October of 2003, and I don't think he got into commenting in any substantive way on the discussion. But the President has said that we will be glad to talk about this once the investigation has come to a conclusion, but not until then. And there have certainly been preferences expressed to the White House that we not get into discussing it while it is ongoing.

Followed immediately by the slanted softball to save him:

Q Scott, a two-part. Sean Hannity has just rebroadcast Senator Orrin Hatch's statement that Senator Charles Schumer's questioning of nominee John Roberts was so hostile in 2003 that they were, in Senator Hatch's expressed and twice repeated definition, "dumb-ass questions," which characterization Senator Hatch repeated twice and refused to retract --

MR. McCLELLAN: I'm sorry, was this the confirmation hearings or -- no, never mind. (Laughter.)

Q This was in 2003. Does the White House expect that Senator Schumer will be any less hostile next month or in early September, and stop asking such questions?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, the President is optimistic that the Senate is going to move forward in a dignified way on the confirmation process, one that rises above partisanship. . .[virtually identical stockphrases and talking points deleted]

These Gannonesque questions came from Les Kinsolving of WorldNetDaily, proving that you don't have to be a fake journalist to act like one.

Karl Rove on . . .well . . .Karl Rove

2005-07-12T12:52:00.000-05:00

"They’re putting their commitment to politics above their commitment to doing what’s right for the country"
Karl Rove, June 22, 2005, speaking about the Democratic senators who have blocked the John Bolton vote. However, in view of his current situation, it would appear to much more applicable to Mr. Rove.

I thought Clinton could parse words, but the "I never actually said her name" defense is the new champ, particularly when you think about the fact that what we are talking about is the identification of a CIA agent by the President's chief political advisor (and current Deputy Chief of Staff) in an effort to discredit her husband, a critic of the President.

Scott McClellan = Worthless Shill

2005-07-12T11:09:00.000-05:00

When questioned by reporters yesterday about the Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove connection to the leaking of the identity of undercover CIA analyst Valerie (Wilson) Plame, White House Press Secretary McClellan repeatedly said he couldn't comment because the matter is under investigation.

However, many reporters pointed out that McClellan had commented previously even though the investigation was ongoing. For example, in September and October 2003, McClellan stated that "The President knows that Karl Rove wasn't involved," "It was a ridiculous suggestion," and, "It's not true."

Yesterday, the exchange went as follows:
Question: "You stood at that podium and said that Karl Rove was not involved, and now we find out that he spoke about Joseph Wilson's wife. So don't you owe the American public a fuller explanation?"
McClellan: "There will be a time to talk about this, but now is not the time to talk about it."

McClellan concluded with: "I've really said all I'm going to say on it."

CNB Quote Qompendium

2005-07-09T22:41:00.000-05:00

"Here's the problem. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do. There's no such thing as a chemical imbalance."
Tom Cruise to Matt Lauer on the Today Show, June 24, 2005. That's right Iceman, he IS dangerous. He also evidently (and secretly) gained the equivalent of an M.D. (necessary to practice psychiatry) or a Ph.D. (in case he is merely a medical historian).

"Ask the men and women who stood on top of the Trade Center. Ask them and they will tell you: Pass this amendment."
Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, R-Calif, in an insulting and nonsensical (yet widely ignored) statement made in support of a constitutional amendment banning destruction of the flag.

"But perhaps the most important difference between conservatives and liberals can be found in the area of national security. Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers."
No, not Ann Coulter -- Deputy White House Chief and Senior White House Advisor, Karl Rove, June 22, 2005, in a speech before the New York Conservative Party. Mr. Rove has not apologized (don't hold your breath), nor has he explained his basis for the statement (again, don't hold your breath).

"[H]e was talking about different philosophies -- the conservative philosophy and the liberal philosophy and how we're approaching different priorities for the American people. That's all it is."
Press Secretary Scott McClellan, June 23, 2005, commenting on the above statements by Karl Rove. There are several other instances where Mr. McClellan repeated some variation of the above statement, while never answering the question of whether it was accurate that liberals wanted to provide therapy for 9/11 terrorists, and how that became the liberal "philosphy." In fact, Mr. McClellan actually had the gall to criticize Democratic leaders for failing to defend this "philosophy." Essentially, Mr. McClellan is Ari Fleischer-lite (all of the bullshit, but less actual vitriol).

"I was most impressed with the resolve of all the leaders in the room. Their resolve is as strong as my resolve. "
Pres. Bush, July 7, 2005, referring to the other world leaders present at the G8 summit in Scotland (and their reaction to the bombings in London). I guess is really is all about him. Fortunately, condescending remarks pass for diplomatic compliments these days.

This is Why People Make Fun of PETA

2005-06-29T15:30:00.000-05:00

The Fish Empathy Project for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has called on the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach (one of the largest aquariums in the United States) to stop serving fish to its visitors, likening the practice to grilling up "poodle burgers at a dog show."

I'll be the first to admit that I found it odd that the Shedd Aquarium served fish at its restaurant. However, I did not make it a mission to remedy that bit of irony, nor did I deem it necessary to create (or join) something called the Fish Empathy Project. As far as I am concerned, if you have time to form a Fish Empathy Project, than you certainly should be able donate your time to any number of organizations, such as:

FYI, I am really not so hot on PETA anyhow. I agree that cruelty to animals is bad (and I always enjoy viewing naked protesters), but I find it mildly inconsistent to be preached to by someone (a PETA vice president) whose treatments for Type II diabetes were developed using research on dogs.

Thank Goodness for Kiwi Streakers

2005-06-28T23:57:00.000-05:00

After reading (I can't actually watch that kind of tripe) Bush's several references to 9/11 in his Iraq policy speech, I snapped. I think it was "They are trying to shake our will in Iraq, just as they tried to shake our will on September 11, 2001. "

Problem with that statement: "they" are not the same people.

Further problem: many, many morons will not care.

Fortunately, a photo of a New Zealand streaker being tackled shook me from my paralyzing frustration. It won't last, but it helped when I needed it.

General Abizaid Shows His Troops How to Be Brave; Cheney Expected to Ignore

2005-06-23T15:47:00.000-05:00

General John P. Abizaid, Combatant Commander, U.S. Central Command (i.e. the top American military commander in the Persian Gulf), today told the Senate Armed Services Committee that insurgents' strength had not diminished and that more foreign fighters were coming into Iraq than six months ago. As you will recall, this directly contradicts Vice President Dick Cheney's recent contention that the Iraqi insurgency was in its “last throes.” Who are you going to believe?

It is about time someone in charge showed some honesty and objective analysis. Continuing to blow smoke only does a disservice to the very troops guys like Cheney and Rumsfeld claim to admire. As far as I am concerned, true bravery is confronting the truth and addressing it. I only wish the Commander-in-Chief would take a closer listen.

Bill Frist: Professional Lackey

2005-06-21T16:41:00.000-05:00

"The president made it very clear that he expects an up-or-down vote." Sen. Bill Frist, June 21, 2005, reversing his position (after a meeting with President Bush) on whether to continue pushing for a floor vote on John Bolton for U.N. ambassador.

Yes - we wouldn't want to give the President any less than everything he asks for.

Does Sen. Hagel Read the CNB?

2005-06-20T15:55:00.000-05:00

"Things aren't getting better; they're getting worse. The White House is completely disconnected from reality," Hagel tells U.S. News. "It's like they're just making it up as they go along. "

Not trying to take credit for Sen. Hagel's strong (overdue, but strong) stance, but is the timing suspect? This came out yesterday -- CNB wrote this last week. You decide. . . .

The CIA's New-Found Respect for International Law

2005-06-20T12:51:00.000-05:00

Porter Goss, the director of the CIA says he has an “excellent idea” where Osama bin Laden is hiding, but that the United States’ respect for sovereign nations makes it more difficult to capture the al-Qaida chief.

I guess I am confused about this lackadaisical attitude toward the guy who was the head of the Sept. 11 attacks. Bush said in 2002 that he was not concerned about bin Laden, and now the head of the CIA says "oh, we know where he is, but we are suddenly going to respect international law and agreements."

I don't want to go out on a limb here -- but could it be that we really DON'T know where is he is (and, thus, don't care as Bush so clearly stated nearly 3 years ago), and that Porter Goss is putting out puffery to counteract the downswing in the polls?

Willful Ignorance is Not a Virtue

2005-06-16T14:03:00.000-05:00

I really don't want to keep putting stuff out here about the Terri Schiavo mess, as it appears clear that the autopsy results make clear what most folks already knew (and even bloggers on the right are acknowledging the results and moving on). However, Ms. Schiavo's parents have indicated that they do not accept the findings. Their basis, beyond grief over the extended vegetative state and eventual death of their daughter, is unclear. However, unless it is some unknown medical doctrine, they lose. (I think it is safe to presume that if the autopsy had proven what the parents thought, they would not dispute its medical accuracy.)

What I find funny is that the same people who are questioning the results of the autopsy are the same types of people who are accepting, without question, the crap put forth by the Bush Administration on a regular basis. Bush said that global warming needed more research before he could come to a conclusion on it. Well, the study from last week that (again) showed the existence of global warming has been ignored by Bush -- it is the equivalent of a child closing his eyes in the hopes that whatever she wishes to see will miraculously disappear. In the case of global warming -- just change the data altogether!

Another example would be the failure to find WMD in Iraq. The main reason (I'll even call it "one of the main reasons" to be as generous as possible) for going to war was proven wrong. Wrong. Not almost, not nearly -- wrong. Hell, the Duelfer report told us that before the damned election, and folks like the Chicago Tribune editorial board chose to cherry-pick out the facts they liked. Over 1700 dead U.S. soldiers and unknown amounts of dead Iraqis. Yes, they have purple fingers (I know these folks noticed that!) but as ink dye fades from skin, so are the hopes that this war will be one resolved in the foreseeable future. On May 30, VP Cheney told us that the insurgency was "in its last throes" -- the next day, Iraqi officials reported that Iraqi civilian deaths were up one third from April to May. In addition, May 2005 was the deadliest month for reservist US forces. Whatever stuff these folks don't like is ignored or refuted (just ask Newsweek).

A related example is the lazy jingoism so rampant in our country these days. This is best shown by those ubiquitous yellow "Support our Troops" ribbons on cars (which, as 100 Monkeys Typing notes, is a directive, not a declarative like "I support our troops"). How many of these folks are actually willing to become one of those troops? I am all for supporting our troops (particularly because of my brother-in-law in the Navy), and I think the best way to support them would be to ensure their judicious deployment.

I'm not saying that folks on the left don't employ the same type of willful ignorance, but the right has certainly cornered the market as of late. Whatever the eventual political persuasions of my children, I certainly hope that they will take in all of the data before making their conclusions. If not, their conclusions (as of those noted above) will be suspect.

CNB NewsBlurbs -- CNB once again reads the news so you don't have to

2005-06-15T13:51:00.000-05:00

The autopsy of Terri Schiavo has shown that she was in a persistent vegetative state, finding that she had massive and irreversible brain damage, which is the same conclusion put forth by the court-appointed guardian ad litem here (the autopsy actually showed she was blind also, which seems to undermine the theory about the balloons and how that supposedly showed consciousness). No word if Tom DeLay, Randall Terry, or the other members of the Jackass Brigade will issue retractions for all their prior statements. CNB is particularly interested in Sen. Bill Frist, M.D., who saw fit to diagnose -- incorrectly -- Ms. Schiavo based upon a heavily edited snippet of video (and he did so on the floor of the Senate, no less! Who does that??). The Blogs for Terri have refused to admit error, so don't hold your breath on the rest of them. I guess that is just following the example of their President.

Adult film star Mary Carey attended the Flag Day fundraising dinner at the White House yesterday. Although Rev. Wildmon (surprise, surprise) is mad, there are some right-wing folks who are downplaying this (nothing is ever a big deal to these people, unless a "liberal" does it). I really don't care about this story, but I can't help but wonder -- if Clinton did this, would these same folks have been so nonchalant? Not on your life -- "President of Porn" would have become his new name.

Ashley Smith, who was held hostage after the Atlanta courthouse killings in March 2005, has signed a book deal. For seven hours of her life. Seven. CNB certainly does not want to minimize the harrowing experience Ms. Smith must have suffered, but a book based on seven hours of your life? I thought the Amber Frey crap was bad, but this beats it.

CNB Comes Back from Unintentional Break -- Celebrate By Buying The Mountain Goats

2005-06-10T14:34:00.000-05:00

To anyone who cares, sorry about ignoring the blog. It got lost in the shuffle of work, family, Thai hookers, blow, and more work.

Eugene O'Neill says that everybody's got one thing they're always going to regret, but John Darnielle says that if you give people the right chemicals and enough time to themselves, they can permanently disable their internal regret mechanisms.

To celebrate the return of CNB, you should listen to The Mountain Goats. John Darnielle (the only member) has a quirky, yet guileless (I am sounding like Pitchfork reviews now), approach that doesn't prepare you for the unrepentently articulate lyrics in his songs. Not many people can compare the light in their former love's eyes to a "trashcan fire in a prison cell" and make it sound sweet. The New Yorker called Darnielle "America’s best non-hip-hop lyricist." Moreover, he writes a lot of songs. Download some free (and legal) ones here and here. You can find the music John Darnielle recommends here.

I make no money from your purchases of The Mountain Goats' music -- unless you want to send me some money independently. That would be just fine.

First we had the Department of "Homeland Security" -- is the Ministry of Information Far Behind?

2005-05-25T14:14:00.000-05:00

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."

President Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005. (emphasis added)

Sure it might sound disturbing, but at least he is admitting it now.

Maher bad, DeLay good?

2005-05-24T16:01:00.000-05:00

Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-Ala.) takes issue with remarks on HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, first aired May 13, in which Maher pointed out that the Army missed its recruiting goal by 42% in April. "More people joined the Michael Jackson fan club," Maher said. "We've done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit, and now we need warm bodies."

Rep. Bachus (who appears to have no relation to the late Jim Backus, the voice of Mr. Magoo -- although he does appear to have a myopic, Magooesque vision when it comes to popular culture) says the remarks are possibly treasonous. He told the Associated Press "I think it borders on treason. In treason, one definition is to undermine the effort or national security of our country." Unlike Rep. Bachus, Oran's Dictionary of the Law (1983) defines treason as: "...[a]...citizen's actions to help a foreign government overthrow, make war against, or seriously injure the [parent nation]." Sounds like "treason" is more that making a joke (however uncomfortably true that joke may be), but that might just be me.

In somewhat related news, according to Public Citizen, Rep. Bachus found a way to circumvent the House rules in making contributions to everyone's favorite guy, Rep. Tom DeLay. Public Citizen reports that Rep. Bachus made one $5,000 contribution through his leadership PAC and a second from his campaign fund. That $10,000 total contribution makes Bachus the largest congressional contributor to DeLay’s legal defense in the first quarter of 2005.

Thus, first Rep. Bachus makes secretive payments to an ethically-challenged colleague, and then he makes public statements claiming to have found treason where there is none. The good people of the Sixth District of Alabama must be proud.

Rummy to Newsweek: I am Rubber and You are Glue

2005-05-16T23:49:00.000-05:00

"It's appalling that this story got out there," Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said as she traveled home from Iraq.
"People lost their lives. People are dead," Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said on Capitol Hill. "People need to be very careful about what they say, just as they need to be careful about what they do."

Are these people talking about the run-up to war with Iraq? One would think so, particularly in light of the recently-disclosed yet widely-ignored document containing meeting minutes transcribed during the British Prime Minister's meeting on July 23, 2002 printed in The Times of London -- "British officials did not dispute the document's authenticity." So, are these folks mad that there is now more proof of (at best) manipulation of facts by the Bush administration before the invasion of Iraq in 2003?

No. They are mad because Newsweek printed a story where the source flipped. Newsweek published a story reporting that a military probe had found evidence of desecration of the Quran by U.S. interrogators at Guantanamo Bay. About 15 people died in protests in Afghanistan. Unfortunately for Newsweek, its source changed its story (although the subject has been reported in several other publications).

Newsweek, unlike certain presidential administrations, did not fabricate or manipulate the story -- they had a source. Granted,they should have obtained several sources, but it would be simply ludicrous to believe that this is somehow a bigger deal (and worthy of derision from Rumsfeld, the "here" where the buck was supposed to stop in relation to Abu Ghraib) than any of the Administration's missteps (that was generous, I know). What we know is that, contrary to the multitude of statements (citations omitted -- do a damned google search yourself!), Iraq had no WMD. Someone somewhere (whether in intelligence or the White House) is incredibly incompetent or duplicitous, yet we are focusing upon Newsweek for relying on only one source.

If Newsweek wants to retract its story, fine by me -- they'll have two sources on each story in the future. However, then Bush and Company have to retract theirs as well.

You Stole (and then marketed) My Jesus Fish!

2005-05-11T14:05:00.000-05:00

Further proving that heresy and blasphemy are in the eyes of the beholder, some folks have decided to meld the Jesus Fish (popularized to many by the immortal David Puddy) and support of President Bush. Yes, I am serious.

The merchandisers say that "The BushFish does not suggest that President Bush is Divine. It is intended to represent Christian Republicans who support the President's position on God's role in government." Okay. But if I put in "Real Christians Don't Discriminate" or "Mind Your Own Business" inside a similarly shaped fish, would these folks think I am merely be my voicing a Christian opinion, or would they think I am co-opting yet another sacred-to-some symbol for my own nefarious purposes?

Unsurprisingly, according to their website, I would qualify as a "secularist" under the criteria provided (notice I did not call it "objective criteria"). However, if not being a secularist means I agree with them, color me a secularist. Moreover, I guess you could color me a zoologist, because I know there actually is a bushfish (leopard bushfish, to be exact) which looks nothing like the manufactured product being sold.

P.S. to the folks who buy this thing: If you buy this, you have crossed over, and not in that good "Left Behind" way, but in the dark "Revenge of the Sith" way. Just an FYI.

Nintendo A Capella

2005-05-05T23:36:00.000-05:00

It is kind of creepy how well this choir did with these.
The sashes? Questionable. A capella versions of Nintendo music from the late 1980s? Fabulous.

Kansas: One Step Forward, but Forty Steps Back

2005-05-02T16:39:00.000-05:00

In What's the Matter with Kansas?, American journalist and historian Thomas Frank explores how the Republicans gained political control in the Red States (formerly known as the Midwest), and how the region has become increasingly socially and politically conservative.

Just yesterday, Kansas attempted to enter the 20th Century (still working on the 21st) by allowing local governments to authorize Sunday liquor and beer sales.

However, the Kansas State Board of Education will hear debate on whether evolution should be taught in public schools. Yes, you read that correctly. Evidently learning nothing after enduring national humiliation in 1999 by deleting most references to evolution in the state's science curriculum (which may prove that evolution does not exist, at least in Kansas conservatives), the Kansas Board has once again decided to subject itself to ridicule by scheduling 6 days of courtroom-style hearings to begin Thursday. More than two dozen witnesses will give testimony and be subject to cross-examination, with the majority expected to argue against teaching evolution.

This all seems to be driven (besides by the fact that the Kansas State Boad once again has a conservative majority) by the folks who believe in "intelligent design" or ID (which sounds more scientific). These ID folks believe that evidence supports the conclusion that life on Earth was deliberately designed by one or more intelligent agents. Some folks believe that ID is a mere repackaging of creationism (and that there is no proof of either, which is why it is called "faith," which is why it belongs in a church). At least Creationists give God credit for creating Earth -- the ID folks seem to be saying "Hey - I don't know who did it, but someone must have." Fortunately, religious folks believe in evolution, and this has not been too much of a problem for most of us.

However, Kansas appears to be determined to set the clocks back to 1925. Why is this a problem? Just ask Topeka West High student Stephanie Bailey, a 14-year-old who is skeptical of evolution. "Scientists don't have all the answers," she said. Maybe she thinks the First Amendment goes "too far" also.

Next thing you know, they'll want to change our movies. . .

Chalabi Wins After All

2005-04-28T23:32:00.000-05:00

Ahmed Chalabi, the guy that the Bush Administration alternatively celebrated or blamed, will now head the Oil Ministry.

In other news, Mr. Fox has been put in charge of the Iraqi henhouse. No word if any children will be given supervisory control over the Iraqi candy store.

Extreme Makeover: John Bolton Edition

2005-04-22T16:25:00.000-05:00

This man is John Bolton, Bush's nominee for U.S. ambassador to the United Nations (despite the fact he once said that if the top 10 floors of the UN headquarters disappeared, "it wouldn't make a bit of difference."). CNB is not here to criticize him, although that is the rage these days (even Colin Powell calls him "problematic").

Rather, CNB is here to say the real reason John Bolton will never get the nomination. Look at him -- white moustache and lousy Supercuts haircut circa 1981? Forget it. Just because your politics are stuck in the Reaganriffic 1980s doesn't mean your appearance needs to be. He might get head of the local Chamber of Commerce, but that look doesn't fly at the UN, no matter what floor you are on.

Connecticut Obtains Common Sense (At Least Some)

2005-04-21T05:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Connecticut became the second state to offer civil unions to gay couples (after Vermont), and, unlike Vermont, the Connecticut legislature did this without being forced by the courts. Republican Gov. M. Jodi Rell signed into law a bill that will afford same-sex couples in Connecticut many of the rights and privileges of married couples, while still defining marriage under Connecticut law as between one man and one woman.

CNB is extremely curious to see how the folks will try to connect this to "activist judges", in that this was a wholly legislative process. It would be very interesting to see if the same folks who pushed for Congressional action for Terri Schiavo claim that this is legislative overreaching.

Somewhat related: a Tennessee state senator, who is sponsoring a bill defining marriage as solely heterosexual, is being sued for divorce by his wife due to his "inappropriate marital conduct."

Paula Abdul's Lack of a Drug or Alcohol Problem

2005-04-20T23:40:00.000-05:00

Anyone who watches American Idol (and anyone who denies it is a big fat liar -- look at those ratings!) has likely noticed that Paula Abdul has been exhibiting some strange behavior, both on and off the show, this season, which, for Ms. Abdul, is saying something. Beyond offering her ubiquitous and meaningless blather concerning a singer's "spirit," Ms. Abdul has added slurred speech, glassy eyes, and other behavior that makes her look like the drunk aunt at your cousin's wedding who tries to make a toast, but instead offers a confessional of how she is trapped in a loveless marriage and still wishes she could sleep with her high-school boyfriend.

Ms. Abdul has now acknowledged this phenomena, but rather than announce an upcoming trip to a treatment facility, she claims that she suffers from RSD, a neurological disease. The problem with this (almost certainly) hastily-created excuse is that this "sure-looks-like-she's-on-something-to-me" behavior was not present on any prior season (unlike her useless comments, which have always been present), but she claims her RSD has been present for years. However, it is possible that her medication is causing the problem, and I'll even give her the benefit of the doubt on this. Despite the fact that the drug manufacturer denies such a side effect (and we all know they are always open and forthcoming), this potential side effect would not be unheard of.

In any event, CNB wishes Ms. Abdul well. Having said that, CNB fully expects her to enter a treatment facility within the next 6 months.

CNB NewsBlurbs -- CNB (again) reads the news so you don't have to

2005-04-19T12:59:00.000-05:00

The Catholic Church (a.k.a. the church all other Christian churches left) has chosen its new Pope. In a move guaranteed to drive even more U.S. Catholics (a.k.a. "Is it Christmas or Easter yet?") away, the conclave of cardinals (a great band name if ever there was one) chose Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany, who will heretofore be known as Pope Benedict XVI. Some may recall that it was recently disclosed that Cardinal Ratzinger was a member of the Hitler Youth, but he is best known for being the unofficial "Dogma Watchdog," publishing several papers seeking to ensure the Catholic Church continued its firm positions on women's ordination (or lack thereof, to be more precise), homosexuality, and contraception. It is good that someone was chosen because cafeteria Catholics all over the U.S. were on pins and needles trying to find out whose edicts they would be ignoring next. This choice certainly appears to be one that will provide plenty of fodder.

Rep. Henry Hyde (R-IL) announced that this will be his last term in the House. Hyde is best known for leading the charge for impeachment against Pres. Clinton in the late 1990s for his sexcapades with an intern (CNB is not absolving Clinton here, FYI), stating that "among the things we love are the rule of law." Those not irony-impaired found funny that Rep. Hyde described his own five-year-long affair, engaged in when he was well into his 40s, as a "youthful indiscretion." His most recent fame came last week, when he urged the Bush administration to direct more resources from the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief to groups promoting abstinence and away from those promoting condom use as an HIV/AIDS prevention method. Quite possibly, he knew that Pope Benedict XVI was on his way and simply felt he could past the torch, (the kind they chased Frankenstein with).

Speaking of the "rule of law," Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX), a man who helped orchestrate the impeachment of Clinton based upon the rule of law, now wants "activist judges" out, even where, like in the Terri Schiavo case, they rely on the rule of law. Funny how political opportunism works. Anyhow, he's in some hot water because he may or may not (or flat-out did) have some ethical lapses. He finally got the support of the White House via Turd Blossom, but his blaming of his woes upon some sort of Democratic conspiracy is confusing, in that the House Ethics Committee that admonished him THREE TIMES last year was half-made up of Republicans. Fortunately for DeLay, those pesky Republicans have been removed from the committee, so that won't be a problem anymore. However, even Bush-backing newspapers are calling for his head, so DeLay may soon be on DeWay.

Minnesota, I Hardly Know Ye

2005-04-13T19:20:00.000-05:00

As some who read this might know, I grew up in Minnesota, and went to the University of Minnesota. I love Minnesota, and, in many ways, still consider myself a Minnesotan, even though I have not lived there in 10 years. I now am beginning to believe that my departure set off a course of events that has harmed Minnesota. Let's look:

1995: I move to Chicago
1998: Former wrestler Jesse Ventura is elected governor
1999: The University of Minnesota men's basketball team is discovered to have a minor problem with academic fraud
2003: Minnesota legislators enact a bill allowing individuals to carry concealed weapons
2004: Bush makes approximately 124 visits to the state, in that people think it is going conservative
2005: Proving that it is not just going conservative, but homo-hating conservative, Minnesota House votes 77-56 to put a gay marriage ban before voters next year

What the hell happened to a state priding itself on Scandinavian values of hard work, responsibility, hatred of the Packers and Badgers, and socially responsible libertarianism? I would not be surprised to see folks try to get the death penalty in Minnesota (if a movement is not already afoot).

The only solution may be my moving back to Minnesota to correct the karmic disturbance that has allowed this series of events to occur. Admittedly, some good things, like the back-to-back national championships of the Minnesota Gopher men's hockey team in 2002 and 2003 (and the women's back-to-back championships in 2004 and 2005), have occurred, but they are not frequent enough. Simply put, a recent study says that "the collective mood in Minnesota is downbeat."

Thus, if there are any employers in Minnesota looking to overpay someone to do remarkably easy and interesting work, I'm your man. Frankly, it may be the only way to restore balance.

Jimmy Carter: The Uncool Kid

2005-04-06T23:56:00.000-05:00

W doesn't invite Jimmy Carter, the guy who builds houses for the poor, but does invite Bill Clinton, whose personal pecadilloes Bush was referencing when stating that he wanted to restore "honor and dignity" to the White House.

Face it -- even Bush knows that if you bring Clinton, there's going to be one kick-ass party.

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places

2005-04-05T14:23:00.000-05:00

Click to hear Cletus' theme song.

The AP has an article about marriage between cousins (I realize that I should say "Kissin' Counsins" here, but it's too obvious for even me), and how some folks, who married their cousins, are trying to remove the stigma attached to such connubial unions (now, "connubial cousins" might work). Although a 2002 study showed that first cousins could have children together and not face serious danger of birth defects (and 26 states allow such marriages), it still creeps a lot of people out.

Why does it creep some people out?

One of the visible examples uses phrases like this: “This is a decision me and my husband have made on our own."

As a wise man once said: "If you view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women. . . .you might be a redneck."

Speaking of family reunions, they get awfully complicated -- Uncle Fred is now your father-in-law. (By the way, his sister -- your mother -- is now your aunt-in-law.)

This Might Show That We Actually Aren't Evolving

2005-03-31T12:59:00.000-06:00

IMAX theaters in several Southern cities have decided not to show a film on volcanoes out of concern that its references to evolution might offend those with fundamentalist religious beliefs. The film, "Volcanoes of the Deep Sea," makes a connection, albeit briefly, between human DNA and microbes inside undersea volcanoes.

The moviemakers must not have been able to not figure out how to add a digital disclaimer sticker to the movie.

Fortunately, there is word that a museum in Charlotte, NC that had previously declined to show the film is reconsidering, likely responding to all the bad press. A museum in Forth Worth, Texas already agreed to show the film after initially rejecting it based, at least partially, on the evolutionary content.

Judge Stanley Birch, Jr. Stands Up for the Constitution

2005-03-30T15:50:00.000-06:00

In an opinion issued today, Circuit Judge Stanley F. Birch, Jr. of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Eleventh Circuit (who was appointed by Pres. George H.W. Bush in 1990), stated the following:

“In resolving the Schiavo controversy, it is my judgment that, despite sincere and altruistic motivation, the legislative and executive branches of our government have acted in a manner demonstrably at odds with our Founding Fathers’ blueprint for the governance of a free people — our Constitution.”

Thank you, Judge Birch.

Gannon's Back -- at the National Press Club?

2005-03-30T11:59:00.000-06:00

James Guckert/Jeff Gannon (insert distasteful joke about male escorts here) has been invited by the National Press Club to take part in a panel discussion about blogging and journalism. The Press Club's Web site is calling the event a discussion about the differences between "bloggers" and "journalists." In response to criticism for including G/G, the Press Club added a bunch of other bloggers to the panel.

G/G told Editor & Publisher that he always considered himself a legitimate journalist, and "perhaps their invitation is recognition of that." Well, Jeff/Jim, they also invited "Wonkette" and no one has ever confused her with a journalist, so don't get your hopes up.

Even more proof that the Press Club isn't attempting to convey the title of "legitimate journalist" on this dude is the statement from Mike Madden, a Gannett News Service reporter and a member of the Press Club's Professional Affairs committee: "The panel came together because we wanted to discuss some issues that came about from the Gannon case. So we thought, why not try to get him?" Madden further stated G/G will be there "because the panel is presumably going to talk mostly about his case," that the panel "is not intended to be a forum for [G/G] to present his side unchallenged," and that "journalists should be given a chance to question him."

They're laughing at you Jeff/Jim, not with you.

You'd Better Sit Down -- Tom DeLay May Be a Hypocrite

2005-03-27T16:42:00.000-06:00

CNB took an unplanned blogging break (work, baby). Fortunately, nothing at all happened in the world but the Terri Schiavo mess.

Congress passes legislation to let federal courts review the case, every federal court that reviews it (including the Supreme Court) refuses to order the feeding tube to be reinserted, and no one in Florida touches this hot potato. As said here before, I feel great sympathy for her parents, but having Randall Terry be their spokesman (a man who once said "We want theocracy") makes me wonder if they may have stopped thinking solely of their daughter a long time ago. Then again, maybe these grief-stricken folks are just being manipulated by opportunists. For an objective assessment of Ms. Schiavo's condition from the court-appointed guardian ad litem, go here.

One of the most vocal supporters of Ms. Schaivo's parents has been Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX), who said that the Schiavo case is "medical terrorism" and the temerity to say that the federal courts failed to follow the "clear intent" of Congress (which would have been to overturn 7 years of litigation in the Florida state courts).

However, today it was revealed that Mr. DeLay had a fairly similar situation with his own father (he was in a coma, not a persistent vegetative state). In that case, the family made the decision privately to take DeLay's father off of a ventilator. Is that "life support" in the same way as a feeding tube? Depends who you ask.

It would seem that it is no one's business what happened with the DeLay family, but I would think that thought would also have applied to the Schiavo family.

Busted Brackets, but Exciting Games

2005-03-20T13:30:00.000-06:00

Not that I haven't won a few pools in my time (the preceding statement in no way admits that I participate, have partcipated, or will ever participate in gambling activities), but, for the most part, my brackets fall apart at some point. This year, my main picks are still alive, but far too many I picked to win? Gone. 3 seed Kansas? Gone. (Sorry, Galus). 2 seed Connecticut? Gone. 4 seed Boston College? Gone. 2 seed Wake Forest? Gone. 4 seed Syracuse? Gone. 3 seed Oklahoma? Gone.

While some might claim that this was foreseeable (I love how those employing hindsight never seem to acknowledge it), the rest of us were surprised. However, I have never seen more exciting games in the tournament (particularly in games that are not supposed to be that exciting -- Kansas vs. Bucknell especially). The NC State-Connecticut game was equally as exciting as the double overtime game between West Virginia and Wake Forest.

I may win nothing, but seeing smaller schools (with athletes who work just as hard as those at big schools) beat the big schools -- in really exciting games, no less -- has been a lot of fun.

Stuff I Don't Understand About the Terri Schiavo Mess

2005-03-18T12:16:00.000-06:00

Why does everyone care so much? Really -- why is the status of one woman in a persistent vegetative state since 1990 the cause of concern for so many (Florida legislators -- some who show they care by comparing her to currency, Jeb Bush, several thousand concerned prayin' protestors, Republican members of Congress)? I am sure many will find this uncaring, but why has this (in some sort of JonBenet way) captured attention of the Congress of the United States?

On the Congressional subpoena issue -- why is this a priority now (other than the obvious)? A statement from Senate Majority Leader Sen. Bill Frist (R-TN) said the purpose of the hearing was to review health care policies and practices relevant to the care of non-ambulatory people. Fine - I'll believe that for the sake of argument. However, how many other people in vegetative states (who do not require constant life-support systems) have been invited to this hearing? If the answer remains "none", then how does this differ from the sort of actions complained about from "activist judges"? The court system (including the U.S. Supreme Court) has refused to block removal of the tubes, and, whether that was correct or not, this is an obvious end-run around it. Seems to be a tad bit inconsistent.

As a practical matter, can the Senate Health Committee serve a subpoena upon someone incapable of testifying? This committee today, in a bald attempt to prevent Ms. Schiavo's feeding tube from being removed, subpoenaed her and her husband to testify. According to a press release from Senate Majority Leader Sen. Bill Frist (R-TN) notes that it is a federal crime to harm or obstruct a person called to testify before Congress. Very subtle.

Do the folks who think Michael Schiavo is awful [for wanting (taking him at his word) to respect his wife's wishes and not keep her on life support] think it would be ethically/morally better to offer him $1 million to agree to keep her alive? Why doesn't the jackass who made that offer donate the $1 million to research facilities that would provide care for the incapacitated? Whatever intellectual sympathy I had for the "Save Terri" movement died when no one criticized the crass behavior of an alleged supporter engaging in horse-trading for the woman's life.

As a parent, I understand that this is a difficult situation for Ms. Schiavo's parents. However, the grandstanding, not to mention the divorce petition filed on their child's behalf (!!), don't seem to be done in the best interests of their child (their precise criticism of the husband).

ANWR (Not the Dude from American Idol)

2005-03-16T14:31:00.000-06:00

A sharply divided Senate (by 51-49 vote) today voted to open the ecologically rich Alaska wildlife refuge (this ANWR, not that Anwar) to oil drilling. Three facts: this was done via attaching a proposal to the budget (because the budget, unlike every other bill, cannot be challenged via filibuster) ; environmentalists are mad; and oil companies are happy. Knowing those three facts alone should give anyone pause.

During the several hours of debate yesterday, Sen. Richard Durbin, D-Ill., noted that that, even at peak production, ANWR would account for less than 2.5 percent of U.S. oil needs. “How in the world can this be the centerpiece of our energy policy?” Well, Dickie, Iraq is still the center of the "war on terror" policy, folks with questionable (at best) track records keep getting rewarded, and "news" now needs to be in quotations. I'd say this is par for the course.

CNB NewsBlurbs -- CNB reads the news so you don't have to

2005-03-10T13:54:00.000-06:00

A ninth-grader is protesting his school’s decision to broadcast the Pledge of Allegiance in foreign languages as part of National Foreign Language Week. “This is America, and we got soldiers at war,” the 15-year-old said. “When you’re saying the Pledge in a different language which nobody understands, that’s not OK.” Unsurprisingly, the student's father agrees, saying that the use of other languages is disrespectful to the country. “It’s like wearing a cross upside down in a church,” he said in a confusing and inapplicable analogy. CNB agrees -- nothing goes with jingoism like xenophobia. Go here for further CNB posting on the apparent "Post-Modern Ultranationalism" movement that is sweeping America's teens.

Powerful painkillers like OxyContin, often known as “hillbilly heroin,” have emerged as a major crime problem in the United States, with many dealers and abusers obtaining them over the Internet. CNB notes that large amounts of OxyContin have reportedly also been obtained in at least one Florida parking lot, although the prosecution of that case never went past the investigation stage -- fame does have its advantages.

Reed Elsevier PLC, owner of the LexisNexis databases, said personal information on 32,000 U.S. citizens was stolen, the second disclosure of a major security breach at a consumer-data company in the past month (yes, Choicepoint, I am referring to you). CNB is offering to help all readers protect their identities -- just e-mail CNB with a checking account and bank routing number, social security number, driver's license number, and two (2) credit card numbers (with expiration dates) -- CNB wil take care of the rest.

The Oregon Teacher Standards and Practices Commission is investigating a high school teacher and coach accused of licking the bleeding wounds of his student athletes. (Yes, you read that correctly.) For some reason, he remains a dean of students, science teacher and head football coach at the high school despite having been disciplined last year for licking the bleeding knee of an athlete, after acknowledging the May 2004 incident during school district and police investigations of another parent's complaint that he had licked blood from several students.

Come here from the StarTribune? Links to help you

2005-03-09T15:42:00.000-06:00

CNB thanks old pal Brian Peterson for trying to get folks to read this god-awful waste of bandwidth, and notes that some might wonder why he linked here in the context of some forum discussion of Gannon/Guckert. Well, here are the links I presume he is referring to:

Happy reading. Go Gophers.

John Ashcroft: Still Not Getting It

2005-03-07T12:31:00.000-06:00

This was supposed to be included a while ago, but things have been busy (as the sporadic entries have shown). Please forgive me.

John Ashcroft decided to try to take a few parting shots at his critics (which would actually include members of his own party). Some highlights, with the CNB reaction:

"Criminals can't commit crimes from behind prison walls."

As with all Ashcroft sayings (this one meant to explain statistics showing lower rates of commission of violent crimes), it is full of presumption, and has questionable (if any) practical application. CNB wonders if Ashcroft would defend the death penalty by using "Dead men tell no tales." In that regard, CNB notes that in that same speech, he said "terrorists can't harm Americans from behind bars or beyond the grave."

Former Atty. Gen. Ed Meese (best known for his 1986 commission that investigated pornograpy), said Ashcroft was a man who "served with dignity, integrity and excellence."

CNB would certainly hate to see who did not meet this exacting standard (as the Iran-Contra boys evidently did, by selling arms to people who had killed U.S. Marines). CNB wonders if Mr. Meese, who resigned in 1988 surrounded by questions about his finances and his role in the now-all-but-forgotten Iran-Contra scandal also feels he served with "dignity, integrity and excellence."

In the great tradition of these men, Ashcroft's successor, Alberto Gonzales, recently announced that one of his top priorities is aggressively prosecuting obscenity cases. CNB wonders if the punishment will include waterboarding.

You Must Be This Tall To Be Executed

2005-03-01T15:02:00.000-06:00

The U.S. Supreme Court abolished the death penalty for juveniles, declaring unconstitutional the death penalty for those under the age of 18 when they committed their crimes.

Fun fact: up until this ruling, the US was the only country to sanction such executions.

Sidenote: the 5-4 ruling cited the "overwhelming weight of international opinion," a basis with which, predictably, Justice Scalia disagreed. While CNB sure doesn't buy into the mental gymnastics of originalism favored by Justice Scalia, he does raise an interesting point (he actually comes closer to ridiculing, but whatever) that asks why interpretation of the US Constitution should be affected by the opinions of other countries.

Quick Thoughts on James Guckert (aka Jeff Gannon)

2005-02-25T06:42:00.000-06:00

Gannon/Guckert (hereinafter "G/G") has reopened his website, ready to fight those nasties on the Left. He provides links to several articles on him, some of which aren't taking his side at all (I guess any publicity is good publicity). To be sure, he certainly (and understandably) includes several friendly links that imply, if not outright state, that the G/G brouhaha is nothing upon which rational people should waste their attention.

My favorite quote is where G/G unintentionally explains his reason for restarting the website: "This episode is so rich with irony that it will take me many columns and a book to deal with it all." There you have it, folks -- this is just the beginning of his press junket for his upcoming book. Will GOPUSA form a publishing house?

I don't care that G/G is gay (or "gay for pay") -- really. As a matter of fact, the ones who seem to focusing on this the most are the Right pundits (like the ever-more irrational Ann Coulter, whose name it pains me to type), and bloggers, claiming that all anyone cares about is his sexual orientation.

Having said that, I think that far too many on the Left are being hypocritical about "hypocrisy." While I do believe that the initial information and photos concerning the purported availability of G/G for sexual services arose in an attempt to find out who G/G actually was (just like the folks found out that Talon News was a mere division of GOPUSA, not an "independent news organization" as G/G claims), I find it odd that many of the same people who believed that Clinton's affair with a White House intern was unimportant find G/G's background to be significant. Then again, I find it equally odd the same folks (e.g., Ann Coulter) who could not stop talking about whether Clinton was engaging in consensual sex with others (e.g., Gennifer Flowers) think that prying into G/G's not-so-distant past is shameful. As has been said here before, you're all nuts.

Unlike some bloggers on the Right, I think it does matter that G/G got continual access to the White House press room on a day pass. At least one other web publication has stated that it did not enjoy the access provided G/G. This sort of behavior (as well as the fact that Talon News wasn't formed and didn't start publishing until after G/G had already started attending White House press briefings) adds to the notion that the Bush Administration is actively engaging in propaganda (as opposed to the run-of-the-mill P.R. crap that we all expect from every politician). Frank Rich said it well:

Before Mr. Guckert and Armstrong Williams, the talking head paid $240,000 by the Department of Education, there were Karen Ryan and Alberto Garcia. Let us not forget these pioneers - the Woodward and Bernstein of fake news. They starred in bogus reports ("In Washington, I'm Karen Ryan reporting," went the script) pretending to "sort through the details" of the administration's Medicare prescription-drug plan in 2004. Such "reports," some of which found their way into news packages distributed to local stations by CNN, appeared in more than 50 news broadcasts around the country and have now been deemed illegal "covert propaganda" by the Government Accountability Office.

Thus, this is not just anger over some guy throwing McClellan softballs -- that has happened for years (though G/G made it an art form). The problem is that this is indicative of the contempt the Bush Administration has shown for the American people's right (FYI - I know that it is not a constitutional right) to accurate information from/about their leader.

Frank Rich again, highlighting why at least some degree of inquiry is warranted (message to Sen. Durbin [my senator] -- don't forget about all the other crap Bush is doing, okay??):

Mr. McClellan told Editor & Publisher magazine that he didn't know until recently that Mr. Guckert was using an alias, Bruce Bartlett, a White House veteran of the Reagan-Bush I era, wrote on the nonpartisan journalism Web site Romenesko, that "if Gannon was using an alias, the White House staff had to be involved in maintaining his cover."

Conclusion:

To Lefties: stop talking about how G/G may have been a gay hooker, rather than focusing on the real issue. It detracts from actual points you have, and makes you look like hypocrites.

To Righties: stop talking about how maligned G/G is for being exposed as possibly being a gay hooker, rather than focusing on the real issue. This thing really does matter, as much as you think it does not.

To G/G: I felt sorry for you for a while, and still do (to a degree). However, the indignant and defensive positions you take temper my sympathy. FYI: you won't become a Rightie media darling -- they are minimizing this situation becuase it is embarrassing, not because they like you.

Back in My Day, Evil Really Meant "Evil"

2005-02-23T07:01:00.000-06:00

In his new book, the Pope calls homosexual marriages part of "a new ideology of evil."

So, just to get it straight -- the Pope says that two people trying to enter into a committed, loving, and legally binding relationship is "evil".

CNB wonders if the "old ideology of evil" involved shielding predatory pedophiles from being prosecuted, paying off their victims, and then refusing to adopt a zero tolerance policy on pedophiles in your organization. THAT would seem to be more evil.

Save Arrested Development!

2005-02-22T14:41:00.000-06:00

This is lifted completely from Blogcritics.org -- CNB just wants to get the word out to save this great show. If you don't like it, maybe you just haven't seen it enough. If you have seen it more than once and still don't like it, then CNB can't help you -- you just might be beyond help. Don't worry -- CBS has plenty of crappy sitcoms for you to enjoy.

Fox is apparently at it again, this time in a move that leaves little doubt that Arrested Development's head is on the chopping block.

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Fox Broadcasting Co. plans to shuffle its Sunday comedy lineup in May to make room for the addition of new cartoon "American Dad" on May 1.
As part of the schedule change, the network has opted to reduce the episode order on the Emmy-winning ratings laggard "Arrested Development," but the specifics still are being worked out.
As of May 1, "American Dad" will slide into "Arrested's" 8:30 p.m. slot behind "The Simpsons." For the first three weeks of the month, "Dad" will be followed at 9 p.m. by another original "Simpsons" episode.

Reuters/Hollywood Reporter Seasons don't just get shortened - it is almost always the death knell for a series. What can you do to save the best show on TV? Here are some options:
Sign the petition. Anyone know if these things even work? Probably a long shot, but it's worth a try.

Better yet, send some words . . .
Gail Berman
Fox Broadcasting Entertainment President
Fox Headquarters
10201 West Pico Blvd
Los Angeles CA 90035

or:
Gail Berman, President
Fox Broadcasting Company
P.O. Box 900
Beverly Hills, California 90213
E-mail: gail.berman@fox.com
Extension: 237626
Fox's Viewer Comment Hotline: 1-800-369-6848

Let your voice be heard!! Save the only show worthy of following The Simpsons (even in their prime!)

Feeling Randy in Atlanta? Don't Call Your Wife to Tell Her!

2005-02-18T12:15:00.000-06:00

CNB presumes the state of Georgia to be a fine state (even with its unfortunate history with regard to race relations -- that Lester Maddox wasn't what folks would call "inclusive"). However, it continues to maintain a law that criminalizes "obscene, lewd, lascivious, filthy, or indecent" suggestions made by telephone.

CNB notes that there are many nonsensical laws that remain in effect all over the U.S., and does not fault the nice people of Georgia (although that term might not apply to Zell Miller) for failing to remove the law. However, for some reason, Forsyth County assistant solicitor Inez Grant defendend law before the Georgia Supreme Court on, of all days, Valentine's Day.

A bit of background: the state prosecuted a then-17-year old boy who placed five collect telephone calls to a 14-year-old girl, who accepted the calls. The calls were recorded on the detention center’s pay phone system, and had sexual content. The girl’s mother complained to the 17-year-old's probation officer, and the boy was charged with five counts of making harassing and obscene phone calls. After being found guilty, he was sentenced to two years’ probation.

Sounds reasonable -- protecting our minors, right? Here's the problem: it applies to ALL telephone conversations, not just those with minors or meant to harass (as the oft-amended federal law reads). In fact, the Forsyth County assistant solicitor took the position that the telephone is off limits for all X-rated talk, even to one's spouse, because "the state can regulate its public utilities," including telephone lines. Georgia Supreme Court Justice Carol W. Hunstein responded to the argument with the only reasoned response: "What?"

Foreign Policy Under the Bush Administration, as Translated by CNB

2005-02-14T14:04:00.000-06:00

Policy: It is important that our leaders find common ground.
Translation: We got rid of Powell -- anyone else have a smart mouth??

Policy: You must unequivocally inform potential foes of the consequences of their actions.
Translation: We have to keep up the vague tough-guy threats with Iran, because that's all we can do right now anyway -- the troops are spread too thin for us to do anything else, and Europe is still pissed at us.

Policy: Free elections are crucial to liberty worldwide, and America will support them wherever they occur.
Translation: Fortunately, Americans understand the "American Idol" voting process more than they do the Iraqi elections (we hardly even know what a "transitional national assembly" is). Hell, they think we had something to do with the elections in the Ukraine -- we should keep using that reference every time we mention Iraq. We just need to keep things muddled before anyone realizes that the Shi'ites won (but we did only congratulate "those who will take office once the results are certified" -- heh, heh), or that we will never impose "free elections" upon Pakistan or Saudi Arabia (as long as they play ball).

Policy: Strategic negotiations can be as effective as military force.
Translation: Stupid North Korea -- they KNOW we can't go in there! They called our bluff! Maybe no one will notice that they actually DO have missiles capable of reaching American soil, and then wonder why we saw Iraq as a "grave and gathering" threat, but not North Korea.

Policy: The 2004 Presidential election was a validation of U.S. foreign policy.
Translation: Who cares what anyone thinks? We won the election and can do what we want -- it was our moment of accountability, remember? If we're wrong, we just blame them for electing us!!

Jeff Gannon: A Bad Week Gets Worse for Bush

2005-02-09T16:57:00.000-06:00

First his own party tells him that they don't share his "priorities" on the budget, now there is a problem brewing for Bush. If you want the long story, go here.

What's the big deal? The Bush Administration provided White House media credentials to a guy (known as Jeff Gannon, although his real name appears to be James "JD" Guckert) who does not appear to have a journalism background, and whose "news organization" looks to be merely part of a conservative political organization called GOPUSA (and the founder is -- you'd better sit down -- a Texas Republican).

His role? To ask softball questions to the president and his spokesman in the midst of contentious news conferences. Oh, and he also and routinely reprinted long passages verbatim from official press releases as original news articles on his website. (PS -- CNB got that from the Boston Globe. No plagiarism!)

The kicker? Mr. Gannon/Guckert runs several websites . . .with a gay military theme. Here's his AOL pic. It's not relevant, but it's the part of the story that does two things: (1) gets it more attention, and (2) gives many conservative bloggers something to focus upon, rather than the troublesome truth.

Bottom line: A guy, evidently using an alias, not only has an audience with the U.S. President, but he actually gets to ask him a question. This is the same Administration that had Cheney hiding out for months at a time under the guise of protecting him -- do they now just allow anyone to stroll into the White House? Please note that his bio is off the Talon News website, as are his articles (though you can go to the cache on Google). Doesn't that seem mildly odd?

The White House says that Gannon has come in for the past two years on daily passes (he did not have a permanent pass), noting that daily passes may be issued to anyone who writes for an organization that publishes regularly and who is cleared to enter the building. This won't be an issue any longer, as Mr. Gannon/Guckert has retired.

What is funny is that at the very same press conference where he took a question from Gannon/Guckert, Pres. Bush joked to a different White House reporter that "Yeah, I should have done a background check on you." Right thought, Pres. Bush, but wrong guy.

We've learned in the last month that several conservative commentators were paid by the Bush Administration: Armstrong Williams -- the man who set this all off, and who ominously said "there are others", Maggie Gallagher (her best line: ""Did I violate journalistic ethics by not disclosing it? I don't know. You tell me."), and Michael McManus. No one is accusing Bush of paying Mr. Gannon/Guckert (at least not yet), but, at a minimum, this adds fuel to the fire concerning the Bush Administration's thinly-veiled propaganda.

Proof that blogging works on the left and not just the right (as with Danny "Courage" Rather), in just 24 hours, Rep. Louise Slaughter, (D-NY) has sent a letter to Pres. Bush requesting an explanation for why Gannon/Guckert was repeatedly credentialed as a member of the White House press corps AND regularly called upon in White House press briefings by Press Secretary Scott McClellan, despite his false name and questionable journalistic credentials.

Wonder if Bush can use some of his political capital to make this one go away. . .

Bush Budget: B.S.

2005-02-08T13:48:00.000-06:00

CNB is not quite sure how you can claim financial accuracy in the creation of a budget when you omit your biggest expenses. CNB is all for fiscal responsibility, but at least put all the numbers in before determining your total.

The biggest problem? The budget omits most of the costs of war in Iraq, other than $459 million -- what makes this significant is that the $2.57 trillion budget proposal (for the fiscal year beginning Oct. 1) does not include new funding for the Iraq war, although the administration has said that it will request $81 billion in new spending for operations in Iraq and Afghanistan within a few days and will have to come back to Congress for more money in 2006. The rationale is that the funding is done via supplemental requests, and, therefore, need not be included in the budget. Creative, but intellectually dishonest.

In addition, the budget omits the president’s plans for privatizing Social Security, which many analysts believe could cost the federal government up to $ 2 trillion. Bush further includes a request for a five-year freeze in domestic spending, though CNB wonders if this could be achieved if we weren't incurring over $5 billion a month in Iraq.

Pres. Bush said Monday, “It’s a budget that focuses on results.” Well, of course. The problem is, that "result" is the impression that the Administration is on track to cut the deficit in half by 2009 (as opposed to the actual cutting in half of the deficit). Hopefully, the smoke and mirrors will not fool the budget-conscious in Congress.

Something's On The March, But It Might Not Be Freedom

2005-02-07T14:02:00.000-06:00

There is word that Iraqi Shiite clerics will push for an Iraqi constitution that denies women equal rights with men. This would seem to be no big deal (they can push for whatever they want -- doesn't mean they'll get it), except for one small, nagging detail: the slate of Shiite candidates called the United Iraqi Alliance is expected to take the largest share of seats in the 275-member National Assembly. Thus, this is looks to be more than an idle threat.

VP Cheney and Defense Secretary Rumsfeld have attempted to play down these reports that leading Shiite clerics are pushing for strong Islamic terms to be incorporated into the new constitution. Oddly, CNB is hardly comforted by either Cheney (best case: was woefully mistaken on reasons for war in Iraq; worst case: lied like a rug) or Rummy (how does this guy still have a job?)

While the voting in Iraq was a wonderful sight, calling it a "resouding success" is a bit premature until we know how it will turn out, and all the propagandists with purple fingers cannot change that -- the Shiite coalition are also ahead in most of the absentee ballots cast by Iraqis living abroad, not just those in Shiite areas of Iraq.

Let's withhold final conclusions before prematurely proclaiming "Mission Accomplished" again.

Does the Bush Adminsitration have ADD?

2005-02-04T05:59:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the crap posts as of late, but work has been (as Fonzie would say) nutso. In addition, there have been so many crazy things said and done as of late, that it is almost paralyzing to try to process it all, much less provide stupid commentary for three people who read this blog out of pity (but, dammit, CNB loves you for it). Anyhow, I smell a "Garbled Crap III" in the works.

For now, a quote that says more than it meant to:

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said that an attack on Iran over its nuclear program is "not on the agenda at this point." (emphasis added).

The end of that sentence, finished in her head: "but don't think that we won't lay the smack down on those Iranians. You get one warning, Ayatollah Assahollah."

Did CNB miss the end of hostilities in Afghanistan and Iraq that would allow the US to make statements that implicitly commit our troops to another freakin' country?

Maybe Condi is just giving one more example of how the Bush Aministration has ADD. It would make sense, you know. They never finish anything they start (absent claims to the contrary), and have all sorts of wild ideas of what to do next. Remember the last State of the Union with the manned mission to Mars? They do hang onto a few ideas now and again (read: amendment banning gay marriage), but whimsically switch from one thing to the next, and then back again. Now that the Iraqi elections are over, maybe Bush will go back to talking about steroid use in professional athletics. Then tomorrow it will be Social Security again. CNB might be wrong, but this seems to evidence a a classic pattern of impulsive behavior -- ADD.

As a practical matter, this lack of follow-through dovetails nicely with the 45-second collective memory of the U.S., because no one ever calls them out on stuff like this (beyond self-possessed bloggers). Then again, Desperate Housewives doesn't watch itself now, does it?

Maybe this is why teenagers don't know what the First Amendment is

2005-02-01T11:31:00.000-06:00

Stronger countermeasures will be needed, including an unequivocal White House response to obstructionism, curbs on filibusters, and a clear delineation of what's permissible and what's out of bounds in dissent on Iraq.

--Fred Barnes, speaking for for the Editors of the Weekly Standard, February 2005 (emphasis added)

This reminds CNB of another classic quote (ironically coming from a guy who was then working for the man who cannot stop saying "They hate us for our freedom"):

. . .they're reminders to all Americans that they need to watch what they say, watch what they do. This is not a time for remarks like that; there never is.
--Ari Fleischer, then-White HousePress Secretary, September 26, 2001 (emphasis added)

Maybe it doesn't matter if teenagers understand (or care) what the First Amendment is for -- the folks in charge (and their media lapdogs) don't either.

Corrupting the Youth

2005-01-31T13:00:00.000-06:00

A study just came out saying that a third of the teenagers in the US lack basic knowledge of the First Amendment, and feel it goes "too far." CNB reactions:

Nice job, Mr. Ashcroft. This time, the Administration actually can say "Mission Accomplished."
The vocally ignorant might not be our "best and brightest."
These are the same news agencies reporting twice a year that college students (insert pregnant pause) are binge drinking (insert shocked look).

Who Were the Worst of 2004?

2005-01-27T17:01:00.000-06:00

The Buffalo Beast answers the question.

CNB's favorites:

Zell Miller is "Part Yosemite Sam and Part Foghorn Leghorn"
Alan Colmes is "an effete liberal dive artist"
"Newspaper columnists performed astonishing feats of selective memory in canonizing Reagan"
Dan Rather has "given the rabid right enough fuel to maintain their bogus “liberal media” charge for years"

Fabulous stuff.

Condoleezza Rice - A Study in Quotation

2005-01-25T14:47:00.000-06:00

September 8, 2002:

"The problem here is that there will always be some uncertainty about how quickly he [Saddam Hussein] can acquire nuclear weapons. But we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud."

September 25, 2002

We clearly know that there were in the past and have been contacts between senior Iraqi officials and members of al-Qaida going back for actually quite a long time.
We know too that several of the detainees, in particular some high ranking detainees, have said that Iraq provided some training to al-Qaida in chemical weapons development.So, yes, there are contacts between Iraq and al-Qaida.
We know that Saddam Hussein has a long history with terrorism in general. And there are some al-Qaida personnel who found refuge in Baghdad.
No one is trying to make an argument at this point that Saddam Hussein somehow had operational control of what happened on September 11, so we don't want to push this too far, but this is a story that is unfolding, and it is getting clear, and we're learning more.
We're learning more because we have a lot of detainees who are able to fill in pieces of the puzzle.
And when the picture is clear, we'll make full disclosure about it.
But, yes, there clearly are contacts between al-Qaida and Iraq that can be documented.
There clearly is testimony that some of these contacts have been important contacts and there's a relationship here.

July 30, 2003

"It was a case that said he was trying to reconstitute. He's trying to acquire nuclear weapons. Nobody ever said that it was going to be the next year."

October 10, 2004

"The intelligence assessment was that he was reconstituting his nuclear program; that, left unchecked, he would have a nuclear weapon by the end of the year. "

January 18, 2005 at her confirmation hearings before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

"My assessments may not always be ones that you want to hear. They may not always be ones with which you agree. But I will tell you what I think."

"Senator, we can have this discussion in any way that you would like. But I really hope that you will refrain from impugning my integrity."

"Senator, I'm happy to continue the discussion, but I really hope that you will not imply that I take the truth lightly."

Is Gonzales Really Bush's Enforcer?

2005-01-24T11:38:00.000-06:00

Sorry to take the form of other blogs that include a link and do nothing but rehash it, but CNB is crazy busy right now. However, knowing that both of the loyal CNB readers need their fix, here is a really lousy blog entry on a very interesting article.

According to Newsweek:

Questions are being asked about Bush's nominee for Attorney General, the previously discussed Alberto Gonzales -- these relate to his role in helping President Bush escape jury duty in a drunken-driving case involving a dancer at an Austin strip club in 1996 (when Bush was governor of Texas)
The judge and other lawyers in the case last week disputed a written account of the matter provided by Gonzales to the Senate Judiciary Committee
According to the judge, Gonzales (then chief counsel to Bush) asked to have an off-the-record conference in the judge's chambers. Gonzales then asked Crain to "consider" striking Bush from the jury, making the novel "conflict of interest" argument that the Texas governor might one day be asked to pardon the defendant (who, remember, was a stripper accused of a DUI)
Word is, everybody went along with it, and Bush was excused
By getting excused from jury duty, Bush was able to avoid questions that would have required him to disclose his own 1976 arrest and conviction for DUI, delaying that from becoming public knowledge until the closing days of the 2000 campaign
Interestingly, Bushleft blank on his jury questionnaire whether he had ever been "accused" in a criminal case
"Judge Gonzales has no recollection of requesting a meeting in chambers," a senior White House official said.

CNB is very curious to see how this all turns out. No one seems to care about Abu Ghraib, but old-fashioned back-room deals never seem to go over well.

Easy Rider Gets Bumped

2005-01-20T10:01:00.000-06:00

Actor Dennis Hopper (and Republican donor) on his last-minute blackballing from the inaugural festivities today:

"We were dismayed this week when my invitation to participate in the 'Celebration of Freedom' event . . . was withdrawn by the Presidential Inaugural Committee...However, I would still like to express my support for President George Bush and our next four years."

For those as surprised as CNB was at this statment (he was Frank freakin' Booth, for crying out loud!!), it appears that Mr. Hopper has been voting for conservatives since Ronald Reagan. This is the same guy who John Wayne evidently called a "pinko".

If this appears to be a wee bit inconsistent, in light of his counterculture hero status, just remember that the guy who produces "Desperate Housewives" is also a Republican.

Moral values, indeed.

Babylon: See it Soon, or Miss it Forever

2005-01-17T16:37:00.000-06:00

In disheartening news, the British Museum reports that US-led forces (yes, Mr. President, I recall Poland) have caused irreparable damage to the ancient city of Babylon. Sandbags have been filled with precious archaeological fragments and 2,600 year-old paving stones have been crushed by tanks, a museum report claims. Ironically, American troops occupied the site in April 2003, initially to protect it from looters and vandals.

Thus, we have one of the most significant archeological sites in the history of the world, and the US (and its pals -- don't forget Poland) is ruining it. This is one more reason that maybe Pres. Bush ought to reconsider his "stay the course" idea.

Bush Adopts Cheney Doctrine: I Won, So Go F*** Yourself

2005-01-17T13:19:00.000-06:00

Over the weekend, Pres. Bush stated that, based upon the fact that he won the election in November, there was no reason to hold any Bush administration officials accountable for mistakes or misjudgments in prewar planning or managing the aftermath: "We had an accountability moment, and that's called the 2004 elections." (To those who voted for Bush, here is a site documenting the financial cost of the Iraq war, and here is one documenting the loss of American lives -- and, thanks to your vote, now no one is accountable.)

One logical flaw: even if the election did serve as a vote of approval for the war in Iraq (which it certainly was not -- 3 percent margin STILL does not equal a mandate, pal) and all things related to Iraq (this would be the implicit inclusion of Abu Ghraib), it was not a vote for things occurring beyond that (or things about which the electorate was kept in the dark): Rumsfeld insulting soldiers, possible invasion of Iran, ignoring the suggestions of (soon-to-be former?) suppporters concerning the Iraqi course of action, declining to pledge to significantly reduce U.S. troop levels at any time (even before the end of his second term in January 2009), etc.

In other words, under Bush's logic, this can, at best, only serve as a tabula rasa. Once the slate is cleaned, anything new he writes is considered fair game.

Scalia and the Originalists (not a band)

2005-01-14T13:37:00.000-06:00

If you don't know about Nino, then go here for background. CNB is pressed for time.

CNB saw Scalia speak a few years back. Very engaging speaker with an extremely dry wit. Certainly seemed like he'd be a fascinating dinner companion.

However, his obsession with originalism (the idea that the Constitution should be interpreted by determining exactly what the Framers meant) is strange, and something that has bugged me since law school. Scalia clearly is 100 time the brain I am, but I've never been able to figure out how he thought this was a viable idea.

Scalia's penchant for originalism (or "ancestor worship") came out again yesterday, when he said "When I interpret the American Constitution, I try to understand what it meant, what was understood by the society to mean when it was adopted, and I dont think it changes since then."

The problem with that argument is (a) that it would seem to require that Justice Scalia possesses some sort of time machine, and (b) even with that time machine, that it presupposes Justice Scalia could somehow divine a single intent from a document that was created by a series of compromises.

Prof. Jack Rakove said it well:

We can't simply look up the most relevant statement from, say, The Federalist, and assume that Madison or Alexander Hamilton naturally captured the true meaning of the provision in question. That text, or any text, has to be set in its context, its probative value weighed against other statements (or even what we know of the privately voiced concerns of its author). Historians, then, can indeed lay an evidentiary foundation on which originalist interpretations of the Constitution can proceed.

The natural problem is that laying this historical foundation is not practical to the determination of each case before the Supreme Court. As noted by Prof. Jeff Cooper, originalism is flat-out hard.

CNB is all for reading the Constitution as written, and is all for letting the legislative branch create laws (note to lawyers: CNB knows all about the problem of "penumbras" being used to create a right of privacy out of nowhere, and CNB is unsure how to reconcile that with its strong belief in the separation of powers) . However, Chief Justice Marshall's creation of judicial review in Marbury v. Madison (1803) has provided Justice Scalia with the crux of his duties in his current job, making it a product of the same type of judicial intervention he appears to eschew by embracing originalism. Frankly, it is difficult to conjecture a scenario where a purely originalist approach did not require excessive judicial intervention under the Constitution. What it seems to boil down to is that, just as with any -ism, originalism is susceptible to manipulation.

CNB's favorite is the recently proffered fractured explanation of how Brown v. Board of Education, (it outlawed racial segregation of public schools, for those without interest in law, society, or anything resembling education), which rested upon the idea of the 14th Amendment "incorporating" the Bill of Rights to the states, was justified in a originalist view. Essentially, the argument is that evidence from the 1860s and 1870s (had the Warren Court used it) would have supported an originalist view that the authors of the 14th Amendment original intended to outlaw segregation in public schools, hotels, theaters and other public places. This was apparently the case, despite the pesky fact that (in addition to the general segregation around the country) even the Senate gallery was racially segregated in 1868 when the 14th Amendment was drafted. As can be seen, the intellectual validity of originalism seems a bit suspect.

Prof. Cooper appears to agree:

Originalism is one of those things that tends to look good on first impression: it promises to constrain judicial choices, to provide a standard beyond the judge's individual preferences against which interpretive choices can be made (and if application of that standard tends to lead to results that accord with originalists' policy preferences, well, so much the better for them). But originalism has serious problems of its own, both conceptually and in implementation--problems that, to my mind, call into question the viability of the approach as a whole.
History is not objective. Anyone who believes that it is hasn't read enough history.

Thus, CNB does not dispute that Justice Scalia is a really smart guy, and that he has a solid sense of humor. However, his reliance upon originalism continues to perplex.

Search for WMD Called Off -- This Time Officially

2005-01-12T23:51:00.000-06:00

Though the mention of the search has been noticeably absent from any Bush Administration discussion of Iraq for some time, the search for WMD in Iraq has now been officially called off.

"You can only search so many places for WMD," said a defense official. CNB recalls Pres. Bush joking about the WMD search in the Oval Office, which likely was of little solace to the families of the soldiers killed in Iraq (that WAS the primary reason for war).

CNB Receives Strange Link

2005-01-11T14:05:00.000-06:00

CNB's crack investigative staff today uncovered a link to the CNB (imagine that!) , but for an extremely odd reason.

Regular CNB readers (both of you) may recall the CNB discussing the use of a stun gun on a 6-year old boy as a disciplinary tool. That same week in November, CNB discussed soon-to-be-former Atty. Gen. Ashcroft, referencing his awful song "Let the Eagle Soar."

Well, this page, reflecting the results of a search of "stun gun order soar", found those two unrelated links together on a CNB Archive site. As a result, CNB is #31 on that list.

CNB still cannot figure out the purpose of this page (none of the results appear to reference stun gun sales, as is implied). Nevertheless, CNB will gladly take the link. Any publicity is good publicity, I guess.

CNB does not, however, have a stun gun endorsement deal . . .yet.

Iraqi Elections -- A Study in Quotation

2005-01-11T13:33:00.000-06:00

For those keeping score, the elections in Iraq are still scheduled for January 30 (or 30 January for our Eurofriends). The US ground commander (see below) said military operations were being stepped up to make all areas of four troubled Iraqi provinces (containing more than half the population of Iraq, mind you) safe enough for the vote to be held as scheduled.

"Certainly there are some pockets that will not participate in the election. We don't think it will be widespread." Iraqi PM Allawi (a candidate in the election), January 10, 2005.

"Both leaders reiterated the importance of moving forward on the date set by the Independent Iraqi Election Commission of Jan. 30." White House spokesman Scott McClellan, January 10, 2005, referring to Pres. Bush and PM Allawi.

"I can't guarantee that every person in Iraq that wants to vote, goes to a polling booth and can do that safely." Lieutenant-General Thomas Metz (senior U.S. ground commander in Iraq), January 6, 2005.

A classic from the CNB archives, showing that moving the elections was NEVER an option:

"Well, so be it. Nothing's perfect in life, so you have an election that's not quite perfect. Is it better than not having an election? You bet." Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, September 23, 2004.

For those wondering, yes, Rummy was discussing the Iraqi election.

Helpful Cartoon

2005-01-10T12:45:00.000-06:00

Should you aspire to the lofty heights of Sean Hannity, here is a guide.

CNB favorite: present wishful thinking as objective reality. Couldn't have written it better myself.

CNB waked violently by Marion Robertson and Freakin' Fox News

2005-01-05T20:59:00.000-06:00

Sorry that CNB has been taken over by work (stupid mortgage -- always wanting to get paid), but, fortunately, Marion "Pat" Robertson, a guy who we whose claims (during his ill-fated 1988 presidential campaign) service in Korea have been disputed (to put it mildly) is on Hannity and Colmes, the regular airing of which may actually be one of the seven signs of the apocalypse. CNB does not have any specific cites, but suffice it to say (as noted previously) that Republicans should politely ask him to get off their freakin' side should they wish to have credibility. Man, is this not the Republican Party CNB grew up with.

Right now, Michael Reagan is talking about how George Soros gave lots of money to Kerry's campaign, but Hannity says we know of nothing he is giving to the tsunami victims (and then got really mad at criticism of Bush for having to get prodded to respond). Hannity's site has a link for how to send help to victims, but Michael Reagan's has no similar link (check out Mrs. CNB for the lack of mention of the tsunami by the Right -- CNB hates that hypocrisy on both sides). Thus, one wonders why Michael Reagan was chosen as the token rightie on the issue, save for the last name.

Oh, and the "news" on FoxNews just reported that the Democrat senators who are looking to challenge the Ohio vote are just looking to "delay the inevitable." CNB has never really had much issue with FoxNews before. However, CNB has learned that, based upon the ire raised by a mere 30 consecutive minutes of viewing, that fact is likely because CNB never really watched FoxNews before. It might be true, but it is a subjective characterization. Editorials are fine, but editorials are not "news". That statement was an editorial. Thus (proving CNB paid attention in college during that "Introduction to Logic" class), that statement was not news.

Note to FoxNews: unless they are contained in a crap talking-head show (e.g. Hannity and Colmes), editorials are not appropriate on a self-proclaimed news channel. If they do appear, then you cannot claim to be maligned when folks say you are biased. CNB does not expect perfect objectivity in fellow humans, but this is a bit much.

Oh, and some law professor said that Dept. of Justice nominee Gonzales was right when he said that the Geneva Convention did not apply to Al Qaeda, as it is not a nation, and the Geneva Convention only applies to nations. Okay, but the criticism of the infamous torture memo deals with its application to Iraqi prisoners at Abu Ghraib, citizens of a nation (no matter how much some might try to call them all Al Qaeda folk), so this professor's point is inapplicable. Translation: more obfuscation of the actual facts -- even if you think Gonzales WAS right, you cannot agree with this useless statement. FYI -- CNB went to law school too, in case folks think CNB is over its head criticizing.

And now Sean Hannity, a strong supporter of the man who has brought our great nation to war specifically upon a fact proven to be false (and known to be false beforehand), is criticizing some guy for not respecting the rule of law. Really -- even with a straight face. CNB doesn't know Sean Hannity, and doesn't claim to have access to his internal thoughts -- he may be the salt of the earth (really - that is not meant sarcastically). However, a 45-minute (this post took a while) viewing has shown him to be a shameless firebrand, possibly for the sake of being a firebrand. It only makes sense, as nobody buys the books of a non-firebrand, liberal or conservative.

CNB is back, and now offering actual opinions (time constraints evidently create backbones). Stay tuned.

Japan Ups the Ante

2005-01-01T08:00:00.000-06:00

Japan now leads the race to be Most Giving Country of 2004-2005 -- it has pledged $500 million to aid tsunami victims (death toll now reaching 150,000), up from $30 million.

As CNB noted previously, Europe needs to put up or shut up now that the US is giving $350 million (with private corporations helping further). This is even more true now that Japan has become the philanthropic leader of the world (now this is an international competition that really means something).

As for the rest of us, go here to find where to donate.

Happy New Year.

Link for Helping Tsunami Victims

2004-12-31T16:38:00.000-06:00

CNB wishes everyone a happy and healthy New Year, even those CNB mocks/criticizes on a regular basis (not that it is not deserved -- also here).

For those thinking of the victims of the recent tsunami (US is now kicking in $350M -- wish it didn't take international prodding to make it happen, but it is much better -- now Europe needs to put up or shut up), you can go here for information on how to help, finding information, etc.

CNB NewsBlurbs

2004-12-30T14:58:00.000-06:00

Iraqis can cast ballots in Chicago
Well, the dead have voted in Chicago for years -- why not the Iraqis?

Tsunami relief hits $500 million
Spain has pledged nearly $70 million, the US (saying more is on the way) has pledged $35 million. Finland has plegdged $5 million in private funds, and there are only 4 million people in the whole country. As a comparison tool, note that Republicans have pledged $40 million in private funds for the presidential inauguration.

Democrat Declared Winner in Wash. State Gov. Race
The final tally showed Democrat Christine Gregoire received 1,373,361 votes, Republican Dino Rossi with 1,373,232, and Libertarian Ruth Bennett with 63,465 votes -- and Libertarians weren't sure if their votes counted.

American Zombies Blamed for Bulk of Spam

2004-12-28T13:51:00.000-06:00

No commentary -- CNB just liked the title of the article. Not often that you see "zombies" in the title of a something other than the review of a horror movie.

Electile Dysfunction

2004-12-27T08:16:00.000-06:00

According to the New York Times (hey - Jayson Blair is long gone, so this is probably true), the US is lobbying Iraq to secure the broad Sunni participation, regardless of the outcome of the January 30 election. The Times said US officials have raised with an aide to Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, (Iraq's top Shiite cleric), the possibility of adding some top Sunnis to the 275-member legislature, even if they lose to non-Sunni candidates.

Other US politicians (like Sen. Richard Lugar) have suggested that some accommodation be made, though most do not want quotas. Essentially, the concern is that the election will create a Shiite theocracy, which is not an unrealistic scenario, in that Shiites make up 60% of the Iraqi population.

CNB just finds it odd that an administration that disfavors affirmative action in its own country would find it appropriate in another, and, more importantly, that this issue has just now become a concern, rather than being predicted by experts prior to the decision to invade.

Donald Rumsfeld -- A Study in Quotation

2004-12-23T06:32:00.000-06:00

Rummy on 12/22/2004:
“I am truly saddened by the thought that anyone could have the impression that I, or others here, are doing anything other than working urgently to see that the lives of fighting men and women are protected and are cared for in every way humanly possible.”

Rummy on 12/09/2004:
"You go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time."

O'Reilly vs. FOX News -- The Christmas Conundrum

2004-12-22T23:58:00.000-06:00

Bill O'Reilly, whose name is now inextricably linked with falafels and loofahs, has been on a tear as of late, out to save Christmas. You may recall an earlier CNB article about this Christmas-attacking phenomeNON -- lots of folks feel that Christmas is being secularized, evidently being asleep for the past century (or unaware of its pagan roots).

In any event, Mr. O'Reilly, the Falafel Fella, is saying that "Christmas is a tradition that belongs in the public arena", and further states that "The FOX News Channel and its commentators stand in the way of the secular agenda."

Unfortunately for Mr. O'Reilly, News Corp. (the parent of Mr. O'Reilly's employer, the aforementioned FOX News Channel) threw a holiday party this year. Will Mr. O'Reilly point out that his employer appears to be assisting the "secular agenda" rather than standing it its way? CNB is not optimistic, but will give Mr. O'Reilly the benefit of the falafel. I mean doubt.

God Asked to Answer Roy Moore in the Negative

2004-12-21T14:53:00.000-06:00

Former Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore recently said that he is considering running for governor in 2006. "I'll be praying about it and considering it," he told reporters. Moore said that if he returns to politics, it would "more than likely" be as a Republican. (CNB believes him on that).

In November 2003, Moore lost his day job for defying a federal judge's order to remove his 5,280-pound Ten Commandments monument from public display in the state judicial building. He appealed his ouster to the U.S. Supreme Court, but lost. He did, however, win the 2004 Outstanding Service to the Conservative Movement from the University of Mass. Republican Club, so you cannot take that from him. He also wrote a poem, Our American Birthright, so there.

"Nothing will play into my decision but what I feel God would have me do and what I feel the people of the state of Alabama need," Moore stated.

You know, Mr. Moore, you could just build houses with Jimmy Carter, which certainly seems to show Christian values. CNB bets God would like it if you did that. If God is reading this, please ask Mr. Moore to do that rather than inflict himself upon the nice people of Alabama.

Bush Accepts Certain Realities (very few, but it's something)

2004-12-20T13:12:00.000-06:00

In a rare acknowledgement of the world the rest of us live in, Pres. Bush today appeared to understand that his tried-and-true "say it a lot until it comes true" method of hopeful governance (CNB discussed it here), might not really work.

"I certainly don't expect the process to be trouble-free," he said, speaking of the elections scheduled in Iraq in late Jan. 2005. CNB recalls the suddenly-unpopular (finally) Rummy stating in September 2004, (when speaking of the fear that violence would bar a full Iraqi election): "Well, so be it. Nothing's perfect in life, so you have an election that's not quite perfect. Is it better than not having an election? You bet."

Switching back to defense mode, Pres. Bush stated that Rummy was doing a "fine job", and is a man "who cares deeply about the military and the grief that war causes" (despite his callous response to legitimate inquiry, and failure to sign letters to families of deceased soldiers). Hell, why not just give him a Congressional Medal of Freedom?

As for the Iraqi police force, and the U.S. push to put Iraqi security in the hands of its own people, Bush said "I would call the results mixed." While still avoiding calling it a failure (or his favorite: "catastrophic success" - which should win the Doublespeak Award as far as CNB is concerned), CNB notes that, as far as Bush goes, this is acknowledging errors.

Oddly, he did not connect the efforts (or lack thereof) of Bernie Kerik in those mixed results, but did say that "he made the right decision to pull his name down" (though almost certainly not referring to Kerik's six-month stint heading the training of the Iraqi police). Frankly, CNB is mildly surprised that Kerik did not receive a Congressional Medal of Freedom.

The most telling (unwitting, CNB is sure) statement was this: "We are under no illusion that this Iraqi force is not ready to fight in toto." CNB ignored the double negative, taking the President to mean that he is not foolish enough to believe that the Iraqis are ready to take over completely. Thus, what that really says is that the US is in for an extremely long haul (just ask those poor stop loss soldiers).

Will this finally cause more formerly-hawkish folks (in addition to Sen. Hagel and Sen. Lugar) to question the thought process (or lack thereof) that underlied the run-up to this entire mission? CNB is doubtful, but just ask Rummy if two weeks can make a big difference.

Research Shows Hitler Had Even More Flaws

2004-12-17T10:06:00.000-06:00

A retired Bavarian notary and tax expert has stated that Hitler’s tax records (found in a Munich archive) show that Hitler spent years evading taxes, and owed German authorities 405,000 Reichsmarks —equivalent to $8 million today.

Being a history major, CNB does see some merit in researching all aspects of one of history's most important historical figures (in this case, the "bad citizen" aspect, versus the already-researched "megalomaniac human face of evil" aspect). However, only a slow news day explains why this was one of MSNBC's top stories.

CNB Holiday Tip

2004-12-16T16:14:00.000-06:00

Cannot find that perfect last minute gift for the child in your life? You certainly cannot go wrong with an action figure, and this site provides you with a unique selection, to put it mildly. Jesus, Oscar Wilde, the Albino Bowler, and Mozart are but a few of the plastic wonders that will dazzle children of all ages.

You're All Nuts -- A CNB Quote Qompendium

2004-12-15T06:05:00.000-06:00

1. Missouri state representative Cynthia Davis, discussing her two bills she prefiled for the next legislative session (one would remove the state's requirement that all forms of contraception and their potential health effects be taught in schools, and the other would require publishers that sell biology textbooks to Missouri to include at least one chapter with alternative theories to evolution):

"It's like when the hijackers took over those four planes on Sept. 11 and took people to a place where they didn't want to go. I think a lot of people feel that liberals have taken our country somewhere we don't want to go. I think a lot more people realize this is our country and we're going to take it back."

CNB response: Yes, that is EXACTLY what it is like -- perfect analogy. Don't forget that a vote for Kerry was a vote for more terror attacks.

2. Baseball player Jeremy Giambi (currently in the minors) testifying before a grand jury (investigating BALCO) concerning "the cream" given to him Greg Anderson, the personal trainer for San Francisco Giants star Barry Bonds:

“For all I knew, it could have been baby lotion.”

CNB response: Willful ignorance, while gaining popularity among the American populace at an alarming rate, does not generally equate to the Nixonian "plausible deniability." To dumb it down a shade for you, Mr. Giambi: get a better excuse -- we haven't suffered head injuries.

3. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, defending the pregnant pause taken to respond to a question posed by a National Guardsman in Kuwait (at that now-infamous Q&A session):

"Settle down, settle down. I'm an old man and it's early in the morning. I'm gathering my thoughts here."

CNB response: We know you were just gathering your thoughts (before providing a thoughtless response) -- you were probably just tired. Avoiding issues (you and Mr. Giambi might discuss willful ignorance in greater detail) and answering your own questions (there can be no followups if you don't actually take initial questions from the press) is tiring work. You should look into retirement while Social Security is still available (Sen. McCain certainly will not object to it). You could spend these golden years volunteering your time in Iraq up-armoring Humvees for National Guardsman burned by your "stop loss" policy.

======Update -- 12:34PM CST===============

4. Joe Simpson on his daughter, the ubiquitous Jessica Simpson:

"Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got double D's! You can't cover those suckers up!"

CNB response: Svengali + Joseph Jackson - child abuse (at least the physical kind) + creepy adoration of daughter's physical attributes = Joe Simpson.

"Pivotal Roles in Great Events"

2004-12-14T14:01:00.000-06:00

Today, Pres. Bush presented the Presidential Medal of Freedom to retired Gen. Tommy Franks, who oversaw combat in Afghanistan and the initial invasion of Iraq, former Iraq administrator L. Paul Bremer, and former CIA Director George Tenet.

For those without memory of over six months, you might not recall that the 9/11 Commission faulted former CIA Director George Tenet for not having a management strategy to battle terrorism before the 9/11 attacks. You might also recall (as referenced in the Post quote below) that Tenet was widely criticized for his role in providing questionable data concerning the existence of weapons of mass destruction (remember, that was the reason we went to Iraq in the first place) in Iraq, which may have been a cause of his resignation in June 2004. Tenet denied that he received any political pressure to provide that data.

As noted in the Washington Post:

Tenet left the CIA in July after seven years as director. He has been criticized for intelligence failures before the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks and the never-proven prewar allegations that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.
Bush credited him as "one of the first to recognize and address the threat to America from radical networks." He said that after Sept. 11, Tenet was "ready with a plan to strike back at al Qaeda and to topple the Taliban."

Bush further stated that "This honor goes to three men who have played pivotal roles in great events and whose efforts have made our country more secure and advanced the cause of human liberty."

For those actually keeping score of the "great events":

a suicide car bomber killed seven people at a Green Zone (that used to mean "safe zone") checkpoint early today, which was the second attack in two days near the same gate into the district that houses Iraq’s interim government and the U.S. Embassy (13 died there yesterday)
1,294 American soldiers have been killed, with November 2004 tying the highest count to date
for the ever-rising monetary cost, go here

Kerik Out -- Lieberman In?

2004-12-13T14:55:00.000-06:00

Late last week, Bernard Kerik (click for photo -- he is on the left, and is evidently taking his personal style tips from Watergate burglar/right-wing radio host G. Gordon Liddy, pictured at right) withdrew his name from consideration for the Secretary of Homeland Security. Pres. Bush nominated Kerik for the position on December 3, not long after the resignation of current DHS Sec. Tom Ridge.

The official word is that Kerik employed an illegal alien as an employee, and failed to pay the requisite taxes. (Anyone recall Zoe Baird?) However, the developing story is that Kerik's business dealings have been called into question, and there are more reports concerning accusations that he misused resources while head of the New York Police Department. Despite receiving an apology from Rudy Giuliani, who had pushed for Kerik's nomination, the White House has (you should sit down before reading the rest of the sentence) has not admitted the potential mistake. (I told you to sit down -- you're shocked, aren't you?) Instead, the White House says they knew about Kerik's "colorful past" and felt he was still a good nominee.

Now, the word is that the name of Sen. Joseph Lieberman (D-CT) has been bandied about as a potential nominee, which has reportedly drawn bipartisan support (his name has been discussed for many Cabinet positions since the November election). Many others, however, feel that Lieberman is part of the problem for Democrats, providing little active opposition to controversial Bush Administration actions (and has been called a "corporate shill").

Should it come to fruition, none of this should come as much of a surprise, considering Lieberman's hawkish leanings, not to mention his postition as Honorary Co-Chairman of the Committee on the Present Danger, whose members inclue Jack Kemp and Ed Meese (interesting note -- the managing director of the Committee stepped down after one day on the job after folks found out his lobbying firm represented the head of Austria's Freedom Party, who had made comments concerning the efficiency of Nazis) . Lieberman would get the press he rarely shuns, and (more significantly) Bush gets to save face by bragging that he has essentially converted the former Democratic VP nominee.

CNB History Lesson: Dolley Madison was Stacked

2004-12-10T13:07:00.000-06:00

CNB's crack investigative staff stumbled upon James Madison's biography on the White House website. It begins with the following (emphasis has been added):

At his inauguration, James Madison, a small, wizened man, appeared old and worn; Washington Irving described him as "but a withered little apple-John." But whatever his deficiencies in charm, Madison's buxom wife Dolley compensated for them with her warmth and gaiety. She was the toast of Washington.

CNB is unsure why the author felt it necessary to point out that Dolley Madison had ample bosoms, but, evidently, historical accuracy demands such details.

Rumsfeld Shows the Soldiers His Appreciation

2004-12-09T11:31:00.000-06:00

Everyone and their dog is talking about the Rumsefeld "town-hall" debacle, where he opened himself up for questions from soldiers about to go to Iraq. The now-infamous Question came from Army Spc. Thomas Wilson of the 278th Regimental Combat Team (comprised mainly of soldiers from the TN National Guard): "Why do we soldiers have to dig through local landfills for pieces of scrap metal and compromised ballistic glass to up-armor our vehicles?"

That would seem to be a valid question, to put it mildly. Rummy responded in a fashion that it is difficult to find more insulting or uncaring: "You go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time."

I began a comment on this, but then realized that Fred Kaplan of Slate summed up my thoughts perfectly:

Rumsfeld's answer was, first, unforgivably glib, reminiscent of his shrugged line about the looting in the days after Saddam's fall ("Stuff happens"), but more shocking because here he was addressing American soldiers who are still fighting and dying, 20 months after Baghdad's fall, as a result of Rumsfeld's decisions.

More than that, his answer was wrong. If you're attacked by surprise, you go to war with the army you have. But if you've planned the war a year in advance and you initiate the attack, you have the opportunity—and obligation—to equip your soldiers with what they'll need. Yes, some soldiers will get killed no matter the precautions, but the idea is to heighten their odds—or at least not diminish them—as they're thrust into battle.

So here stands the secretary of defense, long and widely despised by officers for rejecting their advice before the war and now openly criticized by the grunts for failing to give them proper cover as the war rages on all around them.

And yet Rumsfeld is the one Cabinet secretary who has received explicit assurances that he will keep his job, with President Bush's full confidence, into the second term.

Today, Rumsfeld said he expects the Army to do its best to resolve the problem. His passing of the buck is unsurprising, in that he still has yet to suffer any consequences from Abu Ghraib.

CNB generally tries to be independent, but, for crying out loud, can someone explain why they voted for Bush, if this type of guy earns loyalty? Support our troops, indeed.

Who is this Man? A CNB Quiz

2004-12-07T13:50:00.000-06:00

This man is:

A waiter on Celebrity Cruise Lines
Trying to make Members Only jackets cool again
A world leader once again wearing a uniform (or in this case, a uniform-like jacket) when appearing with members of the military

Many thanks to Atrios.