Friday, September 24, 2004

Things I Don't Think the President Understands

Always out to help others, CNB proudly presents a few helpful hints for President Bush:

1) When people say that the US should pull out of Iraq, they don't mean that no one should replace them. Rather, what folks generally suggest is that a multinational force (for clarification, you could ask your dad about this), which would include the US, should comprise the military presence.

2) On that same note, the word "coalition", which you used again in your recent UN speech, implies that the US is less than 85% of said coalition (the US has 140,000 over there, with 25,000 from other nations). For the sake of accuracy, you might call it the "US-UK Alliance", or the "US-UK Coalition", or "Yanks and Limeys - Together Again". This in no way insults the nations (who have not left) who are still there, but instead just clears things up.

3) We all have televisions that work, and many of us also have internet access. Thus, we are not actually relying upon you for a status on how things are going in Iraq - even if we did not want to. This is not a situation similar to when you would BS your high school English teacher by telling her that your paper was coming right along, and then staying up all night the night before to get it done.

4) On that same line of logic, ignoring a situation and its gravity does not, in fact, make it go away. Your meeting with PM Allawi combined (3) and (4) and took them to their collective logical extreme, where you both seemed to think that stating what you would like to be true will somehow make that desire a reality. Sorry, champ, but I've tried that many times - it never works.

Oh, what the hell - let's all try it: Every day, in every way, Iraq is getting safer and safer. Every day, in every way. . . (apologies to the late Emile Coue)

5) Refusing to admit you made a mistake (or even that you bear some responsibility) is not a virtue -- it is just plain stubborn. My 3 year-old has a better ability to admit his errors (or even the possibility that he committed one) than you.

6) Following up on that, changing your mind is not a sign of weakness. In fact, changing your mind can show a thoughtful consideration of different sides of an issue, rather than merely being a flip-flop.

7) Speaking of flip-flops, you and Cheney need to watch out how much you use that term, in light of your own history of changing your mind. People in glass houses. . .