Monday, October 11, 2004

Tips for John Kerry

CNB gave some helpful hints to the President some time back, and felt it only fair to offer the same help to his opponent.

  1. Dumb it down. No big words. This time, CNB means it.
  2. Keep it short. We all appreciate the fact that you understand all sides of an issue (and feel it necessary to tell us all about it) but the more you talk, the more stupid out-of-context crap the Bush camp can put out about you. If you were to say that "Some people say Stalin was a great man, but I think they are wrong" you can be sure that the swing states would get ads the next day telling how Kerry thinks "Stalin was a great man" - technically an accurate quote, but completely out of context. Solution: shut your piehole once you make your point.
  3. Distinguish yourself from Bush. I know you think you are doing this, but you are not. If people think you are not going to be that different, then they will just vote for Bush. The thinking will be "Hell, he already has the job." (While CNB's crack investigative staff cannot confirm this, this actually appears to be the official Bush motto this year.) You have begun down this road a bit, but (in conjunction with brevity and deintellectulization - if that is a word) keep it simple. A few concrete examples will be enough.
  4. Stop taking the bait. If Bush dodges a question, use your first 15 seconds to note that he did not answer the question (remember the "name 3 things you did wrong"??) and then answer the question BRIEFLY. Stop responding to whatever off-subject thing Bush puts out there, and stick to the question asked. As stated before, Bush does not respond well to challenges, and will be taken aback.
  5. On that same note, the President references 9-11 to dodge another question, call him on it. There are many people who find it absolutely shocking that anyone would have the temerity to try to use a national tragedy for political gain (or excuse for unrelated issues).

To help out, use that debate pad to write down these simple tips, and stick to them. If not, Dukakis be thy name.