Minnesota, I Hardly Know Ye

As some who read this might know, I grew up in Minnesota, and went to the University of Minnesota. I love Minnesota, and, in many ways, still consider myself a Minnesotan, even though I have not lived there in 10 years. I now am beginning to believe that my departure set off a course of events that has harmed Minnesota. Let's look:

• 1995: I move to Chicago
• 1998: Former wrestler Jesse Ventura is elected governor
• 1999: The University of Minnesota men's basketball team is discovered to have a minor problem with academic fraud
• 2003: Minnesota legislators enact a bill allowing individuals to carry concealed weapons
• 2004: Bush makes approximately 124 visits to the state, in that people think it is going conservative
• 2005: Proving that it is not just going conservative, but homo-hating conservative, Minnesota House votes 77-56 to put a gay marriage ban before voters next year

What the hell happened to a state priding itself on Scandinavian values of hard work, responsibility, hatred of the Packers and Badgers, and socially responsible libertarianism? I would not be surprised to see folks try to get the death penalty in Minnesota (if a movement is not already afoot).

The only solution may be my moving back to Minnesota to correct the karmic disturbance that has allowed this series of events to occur. Admittedly, some good things, like the back-to-back national championships of the Minnesota Gopher men's hockey team in 2002 and 2003 (and the women's back-to-back championships in 2004 and 2005), have occurred, but they are not frequent enough. Simply put, a recent study says that "the collective mood in Minnesota is downbeat."

Thus, if there are any employers in Minnesota looking to overpay someone to do remarkably easy and interesting work, I'm your man. Frankly, it may be the only way to restore balance.