Thursday, December 23, 2004

Donald Rumsfeld -- A Study in Quotation

Rummy on 12/22/2004:
“I am truly saddened by the thought that anyone could have the impression that I, or others here, are doing anything other than working urgently to see that the lives of fighting men and women are protected and are cared for in every way humanly possible.”

Rummy on 12/09/2004:
"You go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time."

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

O'Reilly vs. FOX News -- The Christmas Conundrum

Bill O'Reilly, whose name is now inextricably linked with falafels and loofahs, has been on a tear as of late, out to save Christmas. You may recall an earlier CNB article about this Christmas-attacking phenomeNON -- lots of folks feel that Christmas is being secularized, evidently being asleep for the past century (or unaware of its pagan roots).

In any event, Mr. O'Reilly, the Falafel Fella, is saying that "Christmas is a tradition that belongs in the public arena", and further states that "The FOX News Channel and its commentators stand in the way of the secular agenda."

Unfortunately for Mr. O'Reilly, News Corp. (the parent of Mr. O'Reilly's employer, the aforementioned FOX News Channel) threw a holiday party this year. Will Mr. O'Reilly point out that his employer appears to be assisting the "secular agenda" rather than standing it its way? CNB is not optimistic, but will give Mr. O'Reilly the benefit of the falafel. I mean doubt.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

God Asked to Answer Roy Moore in the Negative

Former Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore recently said that he is considering running for governor in 2006. "I'll be praying about it and considering it," he told reporters. Moore said that if he returns to politics, it would "more than likely" be as a Republican. (CNB believes him on that).

In November 2003, Moore lost his day job for defying a federal judge's order to remove his 5,280-pound Ten Commandments monument from public display in the state judicial building. He appealed his ouster to the U.S. Supreme Court, but lost. He did, however, win the 2004 Outstanding Service to the Conservative Movement from the University of Mass. Republican Club, so you cannot take that from him. He also wrote a poem, Our American Birthright, so there.

"Nothing will play into my decision but what I feel God would have me do and what I feel the people of the state of Alabama need," Moore stated.

You know, Mr. Moore, you could just build houses with Jimmy Carter, which certainly seems to show Christian values. CNB bets God would like it if you did that. If God is reading this, please ask Mr. Moore to do that rather than inflict himself upon the nice people of Alabama.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Bush Accepts Certain Realities (very few, but it's something)

In a rare acknowledgement of the world the rest of us live in, Pres. Bush today appeared to understand that his tried-and-true "say it a lot until it comes true" method of hopeful governance (CNB discussed it here), might not really work.

"I certainly don't expect the process to be trouble-free," he said, speaking of the elections scheduled in Iraq in late Jan. 2005. CNB recalls the suddenly-unpopular (finally) Rummy stating in September 2004, (when speaking of the fear that violence would bar a full Iraqi election): "Well, so be it. Nothing's perfect in life, so you have an election that's not quite perfect. Is it better than not having an election? You bet."

Switching back to defense mode, Pres. Bush stated that Rummy was doing a "fine job", and is a man "who cares deeply about the military and the grief that war causes" (despite his callous response to legitimate inquiry, and failure to sign letters to families of deceased soldiers). Hell, why not just give him a Congressional Medal of Freedom?

As for the Iraqi police force, and the U.S. push to put Iraqi security in the hands of its own people, Bush said "I would call the results mixed." While still avoiding calling it a failure (or his favorite: "catastrophic success" - which should win the Doublespeak Award as far as CNB is concerned), CNB notes that, as far as Bush goes, this is acknowledging errors.

Oddly, he did not connect the efforts (or lack thereof) of Bernie Kerik in those mixed results, but did say that "he made the right decision to pull his name down" (though almost certainly not referring to Kerik's six-month stint heading the training of the Iraqi police). Frankly, CNB is mildly surprised that Kerik did not receive a Congressional Medal of Freedom.

The most telling (unwitting, CNB is sure) statement was this: "We are under no illusion that this Iraqi force is not ready to fight in toto." CNB ignored the double negative, taking the President to mean that he is not foolish enough to believe that the Iraqis are ready to take over completely. Thus, what that really says is that the US is in for an extremely long haul (just ask those poor stop loss soldiers).

Will this finally cause more formerly-hawkish folks (in addition to Sen. Hagel and Sen. Lugar) to question the thought process (or lack thereof) that underlied the run-up to this entire mission? CNB is doubtful, but just ask Rummy if two weeks can make a big difference.