Friday, September 30, 2005

CNB Time-Wasters, September 2005

Tired of doing work? Looking for a reason to procrastinate? Let CNB help by showing you the CNB Time-Wasters of September 2005.

Boilerplate, the Victorian Era Robot. The creator of this site, Paul Guinan, is a true artist. In fact, this site is so well-done that some historians evidently believed it (whoever they were, if they bought it after seeing the photo with Pancho Villa, they should not be teaching other humans). With some well-done photos that exhibit Mr. Guinan's astonishing attention to detail, this is the type of site (joke or not) to which others should aspire. And, yes, it is a joke.

Absolution Online. Want to confess your sins but don't have time to get to a church? Well, look no further than this free website (that advises you it has no connection to any church, in a very weak "disclaimer"). After a few guided clicks that give you choices of type and severity of sin, you review your confessed sins (almost like a shopping basket at an online store) and reach the absolution page. Sure, it's less theatrical than a real confessional, but there's no collection basket.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Intelligent Design as Panacea

A writer whose intelligence and wit just gets better with every article, Dahlia Lithwick of Slate, summed up her satirical article on Intelligent Design by stating that:

Replacing every single gap in human knowledge with a theory of divine agency would save us billions of dollars in wasteful public education.

That has been my problem with Intelligent Design (as previously stated in CNB) -- its essential tenet is that something (possibly someone) somewhere must have designed (not created, mind you) the Earth, stars, etc. The basis for this general, and wholly unprovable, theory includes scientific-sounding phrases like "irreducible complexity," but I'll leave the techinical responses to others more qualified than I.

Pres. Bush thinks we should teach ID alongside evolution. However, can the teacher then postulate that the "intelligent designer" was, in fact, a flying spaghetti monster? Space aliens? Sure seems to me that creative science teachers could highlight the inherent flaws in the the IDology (you read that here first) better than the pending lawsuit in Dover, PA.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

World's Worst Excuses, September 2005

Rafael Palmeiro, the Baltimore Oriole who tested positive for steroids (after telling Congress in June 2005 that “I have never used steroids. Period.” ).
Palmeiro had stated that “My day will come when I can say what happened" but then when that day came, he blamed it on a pill (he says he thought was a B-12 vitamin) from teammate Miguel Tejada. I guess I would try to use something better than the equivalent of "I was holding it for a friend" or "I just take whatever Miguel gives me" if I had built up the excuse beforehand.

Edward Dailey, NY firefighter.
Mr. Dailey was arraigned on September 19 in relation to charges of criminal assault of a Bangladeshi newsstand employee. According to witnesses, an visibly inebriated Dailey said "You look like you're Al Qaeda" before throwing a Plexiglass window at the employee. If true (I am a lawyer, you know), Mr. Dailey will have shown that that not only the President can use 9/11 as an feeble excuse for unrelated malfeasance. The proof? Mr. Dailey became a firefighter in 2004 -- he wasn't with the FDNY in September 2001.