Extreme Makeover: John Bolton Edition

This man is John Bolton, Bush's nominee for U.S. ambassador to the United Nations (despite the fact he once said that if the top 10 floors of the UN headquarters disappeared, "it wouldn't make a bit of difference."). CNB is not here to criticize him, although that is the rage these days (even Colin Powell calls him "problematic").

Rather, CNB is here to say the real reason John Bolton will never get the nomination. Look at him -- white moustache and lousy Supercuts haircut circa 1981? Forget it. Just because your politics are stuck in the Reaganriffic 1980s doesn't mean your appearance needs to be. He might get head of the local Chamber of Commerce, but that look doesn't fly at the UN, no matter what floor you are on.

Connecticut Obtains Common Sense (At Least Some)

Yesterday, Connecticut became the second state to offer civil unions to gay couples (after Vermont), and, unlike Vermont, the Connecticut legislature did this without being forced by the courts. Republican Gov. M. Jodi Rell signed into law a bill that will afford same-sex couples in Connecticut many of the rights and privileges of married couples, while still defining marriage under Connecticut law as between one man and one woman.

CNB is extremely curious to see how the folks will try to connect this to "activist judges", in that this was a wholly legislative process. It would be very interesting to see if the same folks who pushed for Congressional action for Terri Schiavo claim that this is legislative overreaching.

Somewhat related: a Tennessee state senator, who is sponsoring a bill defining marriage as solely heterosexual, is being sued for divorce by his wife due to his "inappropriate marital conduct."

Paula Abdul's Lack of a Drug or Alcohol Problem

Anyone who watches American Idol (and anyone who denies it is a big fat liar -- look at those ratings!) has likely noticed that Paula Abdul has been exhibiting some strange behavior, both on and off the show, this season, which, for Ms. Abdul, is saying something. Beyond offering her ubiquitous and meaningless blather concerning a singer's "spirit," Ms. Abdul has added slurred speech, glassy eyes, and other behavior that makes her look like the drunk aunt at your cousin's wedding who tries to make a toast, but instead offers a confessional of how she is trapped in a loveless marriage and still wishes she could sleep with her high-school boyfriend.

Ms. Abdul has now acknowledged this phenomena, but rather than announce an upcoming trip to a treatment facility, she claims that she suffers from RSD, a neurological disease. The problem with this (almost certainly) hastily-created excuse is that this "sure-looks-like-she's-on-something-to-me" behavior was not present on any prior season (unlike her useless comments, which have always been present), but she claims her RSD has been present for years. However, it is possible that her medication is causing the problem, and I'll even give her the benefit of the doubt on this. Despite the fact that the drug manufacturer denies such a side effect (and we all know they are always open and forthcoming), this potential side effect would not be unheard of.

In any event, CNB wishes Ms. Abdul well. Having said that, CNB fully expects her to enter a treatment facility within the next 6 months.

CNB NewsBlurbs -- CNB (again) reads the news so you don't have to

1. The Catholic Church (a.k.a. the church all other Christian churches left) has chosen its new Pope. In a move guaranteed to drive even more U.S. Catholics (a.k.a. "Is it Christmas or Easter yet?") away, the conclave of cardinals (a great band name if ever there was one) chose Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany, who will heretofore be known as Pope Benedict XVI. Some may recall that it was recently disclosed that Cardinal Ratzinger was a member of the Hitler Youth, but he is best known for being the unofficial "Dogma Watchdog," publishing several papers seeking to ensure the Catholic Church continued its firm positions on women's ordination (or lack thereof, to be more precise), homosexuality, and contraception. It is good that someone was chosen because cafeteria Catholics all over the U.S. were on pins and needles trying to find out whose edicts they would be ignoring next. This choice certainly appears to be one that will provide plenty of fodder.
2. Rep. Henry Hyde (R-IL) announced that this will be his last term in the House. Hyde is best known for leading the charge for impeachment against Pres. Clinton in the late 1990s for his sexcapades with an intern (CNB is not absolving Clinton here, FYI), stating that "among the things we love are the rule of law." Those not irony-impaired found funny that Rep. Hyde described his own five-year-long affair, engaged in when he was well into his 40s, as a "youthful indiscretion." His most recent fame came last week, when he urged the Bush administration to direct more resources from the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief to groups promoting abstinence and away from those promoting condom use as an HIV/AIDS prevention method. Quite possibly, he knew that Pope Benedict XVI was on his way and simply felt he could past the torch, (the kind they chased Frankenstein with).
3. Speaking of the "rule of law," Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX), a man who helped orchestrate the impeachment of Clinton based upon the rule of law, now wants "activist judges" out, even where, like in the Terri Schiavo case, they rely on the rule of law. Funny how political opportunism works. Anyhow, he's in some hot water because he may or may not (or flat-out did) have some ethical lapses. He finally got the support of the White House via Turd Blossom, but his blaming of his woes upon some sort of Democratic conspiracy is confusing, in that the House Ethics Committee that admonished him THREE TIMES last year was half-made up of Republicans. Fortunately for DeLay, those pesky Republicans have been removed from the committee, so that won't be a problem anymore. However, even Bush-backing newspapers are calling for his head, so DeLay may soon be on DeWay.